


Blood and Oil

by Penguinabominations



Series: Blood and Oil [1]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Blood and Oil, Fen the Mechanic, M/M, penguinabominations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 07:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 43,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguinabominations/pseuds/Penguinabominations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious mechanic comes to the aid of Garrett Hawke and his Camero, but it seems the mechanic is much more than he lets on to be. A story of love, violence and the true meaning of will, not all will get out alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An unexpected meeting

Maker, take this vehicle and burn it. The damned thing has been sending off false codes for days, saying that the engine needs to be checked. Mother said she took it to the mechanic earlier in the week before heading to work and they approved it. Now it will barely go over 35 miles per hour without the thing shacking like a salt shaker. So here I am, stuck on the side of the road at five in the morning, looking like a moron trying to hitch a ride. 

People probably think I’m some serial killer trying to hitch a ride to freedom; at least that’s how they act when I hear their accelerator kick in to get pass me. There’s no way I’m going to get back home.

That’s until a car starts to turn around and head back towards me on the shoulder. The crunch of the dirt beneath giant tires was enough to make me back up. I hope it doesn’t plan to run me over!

Out in these parts, you’re lucky to find a gas station, granted it is probably long since abandoned and has creepers hiding in the shadows, waiting to devour your flesh! Plus add the fact that everything around was either mountains or crops! 

And dark, definitely dark. So dark your eyes will start playing tricks on you.

The car switched on its highbeams, blinding me enough that I had to shield my eyes just to make out the outline of the figure walking towards me. 

Please don’t stab me, please please please, I only need a ride back home!

“Having car trouble?” A low voice spoke, one not tinted with a commoners drawl. He sounded friendly…if not a tiny bit irritated. As if he was trying to act tough. 

The man stops before me and I can make out the distinct smell of oil. He smells as if he’s been working near or around a mechanic shop. Thank you maker! He steps to the side of my car, leaving the blaring light of his cars headlights. He’s slender, tall but not as tall as me. Who is anyway? I’m a giant.

Definitely not from these parts. 

I follow him to the side of the car; away from traffic and the beams. Like the lumbering statue I am. He’s looking at the car with a hand on his jaw, as if he’s trying to decipher the rustbucket by features alone. 

“It’s a camaro.” I pipe in. A big load of rust would be a better description. It was my father’s before he passed away. He gave it to me in his will. It has changed a lot since that day.   
The paint has faded, the protective primer burned away by the sun and leaving the smooth metal susceptible to rust. Father must be turning in his grave.

The man chuckles; a raspy sound, similar to a cough, but it makes me smile nonetheless.

“I don’t usually see many people out in these parts.” He says quietly as he pulls on the doors handle. That door never worked and it always screeched when someone opened it more than a few inches. As if on cue, it released a high pitched wail as he opened it. In the small amount a light, I noticed white, rune like designs; tattoo’s on his arm, even on the back of his neck as he bent to look inside the car. 

They were formed in white ink, and looked similar to long time scars. Those must have been…painful. Who would go through that willingly? 

I hear the car switch gears and he closes the door.

“I’ll turn the truck around and tow this to my shop. Do you…need a lift?” He turns towards me. Who is this man? It takes me a moment to realize he is waiting on my answer. He casually crosses his arms and smiles. “You have no need to be afraid of me. I own a shop nearby; I can get your camero running in a few hours and send you on your way.” I cough and run my hand through my hair.

“Ah, yes…Thank you. Its just I’m not from these parts.” 

He chuckles, waving towards the truck. 

“Neither am I. This city is far more bearable than my old town. Granted there are more places where people can become lost without any help.” I follow him to the truck, shielding my eyes from the headlights. It was a large Towtruck, fully decked out in lift gear and anything else required to transport other vehicles. He climbs into the driver side and unlocks the passenger door for me. 

Such a large truck for such a little man. A truck this size could carry four men of my size with room to spare. He turned the engine over and it roared to life. He must’ve amped the engine quite a bit for it to sound like that. 

“What kind of truck is this?” I ask over the roar of the engine. He rolls down the driver side window as he begins to back up. 

“This is a dodge RAM with a duel intact manifold. Not something you can buy from just anyone.”I can hear the smile in his voice. He’s proud of his work. 

“This was the only thing I brought with me from my old home. I treasure it.” I nod, folding my large hands in my lap.

“It’s a very nice truck. The camero is all I have.” He turns the truck to face the road before backing up the tow end towards the camero. The gear lowered to the ground as he neared the front bumper. 

“It has value to you.” Not a question but I nod anyway. 

His eyes flick towards me before going back to the camero. “I will fix it. Do not worry.” I smile. 

Mother said Dad was crazy about the camero. He bought it when he was only a teenager and took great care of it until his health began to decline. Carver always wanted the car, swore he would fight me to own it. Yet, Father gave it to me. He said it would take care of me instead of the other way around. I let it sit out in the yard and rot. Not intentional but mother needed all the help she could get raising us by herself.

I blink out of my thoughts as he puts the truck into park and opens his door.

“Pardon me, I’ll be back. Have to secure the tires.” I nod and he trots to the back of the truck, disappearing from view for awhile. I rummage about my pockets and pull out my cell. It gave its usual beep signaling it had no service. I sigh. Mother is going to be worried…I hope he has a phone at his house. 

He hops back into the cab and puts the monster into drive. “Do you wish for anything while we are out? I was on my way to pick up a few parts if you do not mind coming along?” I can’t see him very well in the dark cab; the only light was coming off of the speedometer and his stereo system. 

“I could use a drink actually, if you don’t mind.”

That same raspy chuckle. “We will stop by the station and get ourselves some drinks then.” He perks in his seat and I catch the glint of those markings as his hand extends towards me. 

“You may call me Fenris, or Fen. Whatever is easier. ”

I grasp his hand in my own, trying my best not to fully incase his slender fingers. I could feel the calluses on his palm. 

“Garrett Hawke.”


	2. Chapter 2

We drive into the lot a little after three am. The area is located far off from the road, and honestly I cant tell a difference from these mile long roads. Once you leave the city, the streets revert back to dirt and nameless intersections. I have a cup of coffee placed snuggly between my legs; the heat just enough to keep me warm. 

Fen or Fenris, drives in perfect silence; His eyes fixed on the road unless I move or make a noise. Usually only a quick look in my direction before directing his attention back to the road. 

His hair looks soft. I mean…like unnaturally soft. Not to mention it’s practically white! Is it dyed? It has to be! 

I hate sitting in silence, I start to hear myself. Lets face it, I’m a big guy. Cars, definitely small cars, make me feel like I’m stuck in a box and it makes my breathing become loud and obnoxious. Then I start to fidget. I begin to shake my leg, slightly bobbing it to divert my attention. I jump as the window beside me rolls down, exposing my arm to the warm night air. 

“Sorry.” He merely smiles and rolls down his own window. The air in the country side is…amazing. It smells of fresh nature without the hint of pollution. The smell of wet grass and falling leaves. I lean out the window and rest my head in my arms. I watch the tress go by. What few I can see anyway…

“It is not much further.” I nod and close my eyes. 

I can hear the camero’s shocks screeching with every bump in the road followed by the sound of the chains straining to hold it in place. The ground is going by slower now; he flicks on the blinker as we turn onto another dirt road, yet this one has a gate guarding it. The truck rolls to a stop. I hear him unclick his seat belt and hop out. 

I can see a mailbox in the glare of the headlights. Empire Ranch is sprayed in white paint over a metal overhang above the gate, which clearly has been standing for a long time. 

He trots back to the cab and quickly drives through the newly exposed path. I sit up as we near a house. Or rather…a small mansion nestled on a hill. 

“Maker, you live here?!” I find myself leaning out the window watching as we grew closer to a poorly lit garage. 

“I acquired this ranch when I was younger. It has weathered badly and clearly it shows.” 

He parks the large truck next to a freestanding shed; his workshop. I hop out of the cab and meet him as he begins to lower the camero back to the ground. His hand rests comfortably against its rustic hood; as if he can feel it, well, feel it; Like it has its own essence. 

“It’s a beautiful car, Hawke. I hope I can get her running again.” I smile and give a shrug. “You may just be able to keep it. I have no money to pay for repairs…She is yours.” His eyes flick up to mine. 

Brilliant Emerald green. 

No matter how much it hurt to say it, I speak the truth. Hundreds of dollars, hell, maybe even thousands would be needed to repair it to its normal state. He is suddenly standing before me, much shorter than me, but his presence is enough to make me want to flinch. I begin to mess with my hands, that alone diverts that hard gaze. 

“I do not require payment, Hawke.” He smirks. “I have seen this car before…I believe it was your mother who brought it to me.” I blink.

“Wait, You’re the mechanic my mother always speaks of?!” He smirks. 

“I was not always a mechanic, I was a kid when I encountered this car. I was not sure until I saw this.” His hand traces over the rusted fender, grazing over a deep groove from an impact on the metal. He’s smiling and I watch as he pats the dent fondly. 

“A very stupid child.”That’s as much as he says before he goes about moving the car once more. He asks for assistance to move it into the garage, which was fully decked with every tool and lift you can imagine. 

A mechanics paradise. 

~

Its pass four now and I feel my energy slowly but surely fading away as I watch him fiddle with things beneath the hood. I cant stop staring at the faded white lines below his hair line. They have no basic design, they just swirl around certain parts of his skin, as if following his muscle structure. Maybe? Is it rude to ask someone about their tattoos? I rather enjoy when people ask about my scars. It’s an ego thing. 

He pulls his arm back abruptly and it makes me jump. I see the blood before he does and I react without thinking. 

Lets blame it on sleep deprivation.

I grab his hand before he has the time to go back to work. I can feel the muscles tense beneath my massive palm, but he doesn’t try to wrench away. “You hurt yourself.” I say quietly. He just blinks at me before wriggling his hand in my grasp. I caught him at the wrist, where the blood was coming from…lots of it. I don’t like blood. It shouldn’t be on the outside. It should stay inside where it belongs. 

He pulls a rag out of his back pocket and waves it before me. “Its only a scratch.” I grab the cloth or rather snatch it as I raise his arm above his head, squeezing the wound to stop the bleeding. It must’ve looked funny because he began to laugh. Like actual laughing. 

“Well, you must be used to this kind of thing, Hawke.” I wrap the cloth around his wrist, tugging it tight enough to keep it from falling off. 

“I have siblings. Injuries are dangerous, any dirt can cause and infection.” He laughs again as I release his hand arm, he rubs at the spot before he pulls out another rag from his jeans. He grabs my hand, watching me as he begins to wipe the blood from my palm. It was done in a calm silence but it felt like it went much deeper than that. 

As sensual as cleaning your blood from someone can be, he nailed it. I stretch my fingers as he tries his best to get the tent out of my calloused skin. I’m staring. I shouldn't stare. But I can see the markings on his chest. He’s…fit to say the least. More so than myself! 

“I like your tattoos.” I mutter and it gives him pause. He completely freezes. He’s not looking at me, but I can tell he’s thinking; processing. Had I said something I shouldn’t have? Oh, Maker, I’m an idiot. I try to fiddle with my hands; nervous habit, but his hand is holding my own in place. 

“I- I’m sorry, that was-“

He returns to cleaning off my hand. “You are a strange man.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “But thank you. It is something I…do not agree with.” Theres a story there, a deep story, but I dare not ask. Too personal.

He pulls away and returns to work, the cloth still wrapped securely around his cut. 

I watch him until my eyes begin to betray me. He turns and hands me a set of keys, saying I am welcome to rest in one of the rooms he has to spare. I sleep at his place, in his mansion ranch and I feel like I can truly sleep here.

The exterior of the house was crumbling but the inside looked completely redone, new hardwood flooring that reflected light off the marble staircase. This place is amazing. I feel small in the foyer, unsure of where to go. I decide the best course of action is to sleep on the couch. Or rather, a theater seat leather couch. 

Maker’s balls.

I fall asleep quickly curled against myself on the soft leather of the couch, only waking up with the feeling of being covered with a blanket. I think, I woke up tangled in it at least.


	3. Chapter 3

I dream, a little anyway, about dad. His laugh was contagious. I can’t believe it’s been ten years since he passed. I can still see him covered in wires and IV’s trying to survive.   
Killed for doing what he believed was right. The blood…there was a lot of it…and I couldn’t do anything about it. 

My eyes snap open at a voice, a soothing voice; quiet. My knee makes contact with something and I give a small yelp of pain. 

“Garrett, calm down. You’re safe.” Fenris is here, that’s right, this is his house. His couch…Not the ER that dad was in…not there. My eyes are unfocused and I rub at them viciously. He probably thinks I’m crazy, way to go Garrett!

“I-I’m sorry!” My hands are shaking. Stop it! He’s hunched over the couch with a canteen in his right hand. He looks like he’s been awake for awhile. 

He takes a sip from the canteen. He places it on a small in table near the wall; he’s using a hardback book for a coaster. 

“You were having a bad dream, I tried to wake you up.” He clears his throat. “You…uh…called for me.” I can die now. You hear that heart!? Cease beating immediately! He wipes his hands off on his weathered jeans before sitting on the couch beside me. He’s dressed rather nice today, wearing A tight fitting black under armor shirt with worn out jeans…He’s definitely a looker for any girl. 

Or me. There’s no denying that.

He just sits there, staring forward at a wall; waiting. I heave my legs off the couch, giving him more room. “I’m sorry…bad dreams…memories.” He hums, a hand coming to rest on his side, right above his ribs. He rubs at the spot before going back to his reclined position. I fiddle with my hands. The air is too quiet. Why am I so awkward! 

“D-did you…hurt yourself?” He perks slightly, turning to face me.

“Ah, it’s nothing. When I tried to wake you…your knee.” He chuckles. “You have quite the kick. I’m sure your family knows not to wake you up.” 

I shove my face into my hands. “I’m so sorry…Can we just start over from the beginning?” He laughs and stands.

“Don’t worry Hawke, Other than the swift kick, I enjoy your company.” He holds out his hand to me and I cautiously grab it. I feel the pent up strength as he pulls me from the couch. I tower over him but he isn’t deterred by it like most guys. They think that I’m a threat mostly. That I must have a giant dick; not saying I don’t, but that I’d snatch their girls from them. 

I don’t even like women that way. 

Well not…like…sexual.

He shifts again, fiddling with the cloth wrapped around his wrist. His cut, I wonder how it’s doing.

Did he clean it?

“If you need anything, the house is yours to use. Your car will take time to complete.” He pats his pocket before pulling out a set of keys. He extends them to me. “The truck is yours in the mean time. You may stay if you wish to see that I am indeed working.” He smirks, scratching the marks on his chin. The scars. 

“I had an elderly woman refuse to leave because she didn’t trust me to get her car fixed.” I hold out my hand and he folds the keys in my palm. “I believe she thought I was going to scrap it for parts. Not that it would be worth anything anyway.” 

“I trust you. But…may I watch?” He blinks. Has no one ever asked to watch him work? I have no idea how a car runs other than the obvious need for oil and gas. Is that creepy?

“If you wish, I won’t object to company.” He turns to grab his canteen. I can see the muscles of his back slide. Powerful. I wonder how far those markings go…How much pain he endured…Stop thinking about it.

~

He lets me shower there, and the bathroom is enormous. It was still under construction but it was mainly cosmetic. I towel myself off before throwing on the same clothes. He mentioned he didn’t have any clothes to fit me, that I’m a bit too big for his clothes. It made me laugh. 

I meet him outside; the air is crisp with the morning dew. Its still fairly early, maybe about 5 am. I can hear the birds chirping. I see him walk in the garage, carrying a large wrench with him. I slip in through a side door and join him.

“How’s it going so far, fen?” he grunts lightly.

“The drive train is giving out, along with the engine and transmission. It’s not all bad, but some will need to be replaced.” He looks up smiling. “It’s best to replace it now rather than later. I ordered the parts early this morning from a contact. They should be here soon.” 

He pulls a rag from his pocket, cleaning his hands and the wrench he’s holding. “In the mean time…I would like to talk. We have not formally met.” He grasps my hand, squeezing lightly. “I no longer carry a last name. So I am merely known as Fen or Fenris.” 

He walks over to a small minifridge located beneath his workbench. He pulls out a few beers, handing one to me. 

“What’s your story Hawke? Finding you abandoned and hopeless on a dirt road isn’t much back story.” I take the can from him, flicking the cap.

“Nothing to exciting I’m afraid. We came here because of a…incident.” He tilts his head slightly before giving a nod.

“I understand.”

I smile. 

“do you?”

He nods. 

He sips his beer, leaning carefully against the rear fender of the camero. 

“I…came from a broken home. I grew up on the streets.” He’s watching my face; Waiting for a reaction. I hoist myself up on his workbench.

“That must have been hard. Where…is your family?” his eyes close as he drinks.

“Dead…or at least that’s what I was told. You?”

I lean forward onto my knees. “I have two siblings here and my mother. My father died.” He shifts, sitting up.

“My condolences.”

I wave a hand.

“It’s alright.” 

We sit in comfortable silence, drinking beer. I don’t even like beer, but it fits the moment. He moves first, looking at the car. 

“The camero belonged to your father?"

I chuckle getting to my feet. “He bought it when it was a heap of scrap in a junk yard and worked every day to get it back to its original self. I let it get this bad. Every time I look at it…I see and hear him. “ I scratch my head, combing back my hair. “I turned this conversation gloomy didn’t I?” I feel him pat my arm. 

“We’ve all felt pain, Hawke, Some more than others.”

He gets to work. I sit back and watch him as the sun comes up. By the time noon comes around he already has the engine taken out and carefully suspended over the chassis. I call my mom telling her I’m fine and with the mechanic she mentioned. She’s relived that I’m not dead and tells me she’ll watch over Brakkar while I’m gone. That dog, always tears something up in my apartment. Always.

“Isn’t he the cutest?” She sounds giddy. I walk out of the garage, watching some birds fly by. 

“He is.” I look back to see him rummaging under the car, ‘pulling out the drivetrain’ he said. She gives a small laugh. 

“Be careful with him, he looks…so sad. He acts big and tough but he’s very small.” 

I nod, pushing the phone closer to my ear so I wouldn’t have to speak too loud.

“We’ve been talking. I think…I’ll keep an eye on him. Make sure he’s safe. A Hawke’s instinct right?” she gives a small giggle. 

“Honey you sound just like your father.” 

I tell her I love her before going back into the garage. He slides out from under the car. He quirks an eyebrow. 

“Everything alright?”

I nod, putting my phone back in my pocket.

“Finally had one bar to call my mom back. Make sure she isn’t sending out the troops to come find me.” 

He laughs and I help him back to his feet. He’s filthy, covered in grease and built up rust and grunge from under the car. He wipes off his hands; he always does that, like he hates the feel of something on his hands. 

He’s making excellent progress, but my stomach is causing a fit. It rumbles loud enough for him to hear. He looks at me with a crooked smile. 

“Let me clean up. I’ll treat you to lunch.” I raise a hand. 

“No no. You’re fixing my car, allow me.” He shifts awkwardly. He talks with his hands…which I find hilarious. 

“You…are you sure? I don’t mind.” I nod and l tap his hand, I don’t know why. 

“Go on. I’ll wait out here.” He’s tense, but leaves none the less. Has anyone ever treated him to dinner? Has anyone bothered to get to know him at all?

This needs to be fixed.


	4. Chapter 4

We eat at some hole in the wall restaurant in the closest town. I cant even remember what the name of the town was or if it even had one. The place served us breakfast and even gave us the choice of a few burgers if we needed anything more. 

Cheapest meal I’ve ever eaten and it was…delicious! I say thank you to the owners as we leave and Fenris is smirking. 

“You are definitely a city man. People out here can tell.” He looks around the small town. It couldn’t have been more than a mile large. It only had one stoplight located in the center of the square, next to a run down and abandoned city hall building. 

“Its peaceful in places like these Hawke. Have you ever lived out of the city?” He doesn’t look at me, he merely shifts and puts his hands in his oversized jeans, leaning back into the dirt covered fender of his truck. I watch the streetlight go from green to yellow to red without any cars to command it. The wind rocking it back and forth.

“Lothering wasn’t a large town but it was still close enough to the city to have problems.” I lean up against the door beside him, watching his hair as it moved with the wind. “We had gangs, thieves and punks that stole to get by. A murder every now and again, but it was kept in line for the most part.” 

He shifts against the truck, tugging at the sleeve of his shirt, pulling it over his shoulder. I could spot a large scar…a deep gash that had healed enough to close the wound but not enough to knit the flesh back together. 

“What about you? You didn’t always live in that mansion.” 

He scratches his fingers across the scar, as if it itches.

“No. I came from a large city full of problems and the worse kind of people, Hawke.” He tugs his sleeve back down and runs a hand through his hair. “What do you know of the capitol Hawke; The Imperium?” I scratch my beard.

“Nothing over the top. I know most of the government’s laws and politicians live there. The town looks glamorous but it’s only a façade.” He nods pushing off the truck as if he is agitated. 

“You are more knowledgeable than most. The town is full of bigoted politicians who believe they have the money and power to rule the city, but they cant even manage to install a working police station. Those who cannot make it in the city are forced to fight to survive-“ 

He sighs, turning towards me. He raises his arms.

“You said you liked the markings. If only you knew the story behind them.” Before I can catch myself, before my brain kicks in to say ‘No, stop!’ I straighten up and unfold my arms. 

“I would like to.” He blinks, taken off guard. My brain finally catches up and I start to fumble. 

“I-I mean…you don’t have t-to. I just thought that…” I flinch as his hand presses against the thin material of my shirt; right against my sternum. He chuckles quietly. 

“Calm down Garret. I will tell you…but not today, okay? It is still fresh in my mind.” He backs away. “I would like you to know it.”

I smile. 

He shifts awkwardly on his feet. 

“Is it strange that I feel a strong attachment to you? Are you certain we have never met before?” he laughs. “I’m sure I sound strange but I find myself enjoying your company Garrett. “

I nod quickly. Maker is this really happening right now? Strike me dead if this is some sort of trick. 

“Listen it’ll be awhile till some parts come in for the camero, why don’t you get home and I’ll call you when they arrive. You are more than welcome in my home, but your family is probably worried.”

He opens the truck door and motions for me to take the driver side. 

“The truck is yours for as long as you need it. Let’s get back to the ranch so I can be dropped off.”

~  
I drop him off at his home around two pm. He hops out of the cab but hesitates. 

“Do you have a number I can call to reach you?” I fumble with my pocket which has apparently eaten my phone. 

“Oh for the love of- got it!” I give a small victory laugh before we swap numbers. I think I beat a record for getting someone’s number today, two days of friendship and BOOM! number. 

He waves goodbye and disappears into his workshop. 

The cab is quiet but my brain is alight with countless thoughts. The way he spoke today, I think he let down his barriers. Not all of them…but some of the strongest looked as if they cracked a little.

And now he has my number. 

I pull off the dirt road and back onto a familiar highway; Back towards the city and all its problems.


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks go by without any answer. Cars take time I know that…but I’m not interested in the car, not anymore. It been awhile since I’ve felt this way. Years, decades? That part of me has been forgotten since…well dad. I was so busy taking care of mom and the twins that I just forgot about finding someone. It’s an empty but happy life I suppose. 

I shuffle about my condo for awhile, watching TV whenever I got bored enough, making quick meals In the microwave and reading until my thoughts wandered to other things. 

Fen related things.

From what he speaks of…and the markings…What happened to him? He trusts me enough to tell me. That alone does things to me.

I lay back on my couch, stretching out my large legs. I shouldn’t feel this way about someone I just met. 

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I scramble to answer it. Maker curse these pants! 

I look at the screen before answering it.

“Fen?” 

There’s silence for a short while but then I hear a rasp, a pain filled rasp. I’m up in seconds.

“Fen! Are you alright?” I hear a crunching noise, is he on the ground?! I get to my feet, trying desperately to hear any noises, anything to tell what was happening.

“H-Hawke…” I turn up the volume on my phone. 

“What happened Fen? Are you hurt?!” I hear something fall on the other side of the line and that’s all the time I needed.

“I’m coming to get you. Stay on the line.” He coughs and I can tell he’s hurt bad. “What happened Fen? did the car fall on you?” He chuckles weakly. 

“I…almost wish it had…w-would have been quicker.” I growl into the phone, I’m pure adrenaline and endorphins.

“Don’t talk like that! Are you able to move? Can you get somewhere safe?” I slam the truck door and peel out of the driveway. I’m surprised I don’t get pulled over. I have to be going at least 90 miles per hour. The truck skids onto the dirt road, bouncing wildly with every pothole and dip. I can see other cars along the road, near Fen’s place…or rather driving away from it. 

The truck slides to a stop in the drive to the ranch and I’m running to the garage.

“Fen!” I hear a metallic clang towards the back of the dimly lit garage. I trip over something and nearly fall over myself but I catch myself on the camero. 

“Fen!?” Where the bloody hell is he? 

I hear shuffling. I sneak around the side of the camero, cautious. I see a barefoot…a tattooed foot!

“Fen!” He’s sitting on the ground leaning against the camero, a large pipe in his hands. He’s shaking, and his breathing is harsh. I kneel in front of him and tug him closer.

“Thank the Maker…” I lightly place my hand over his hand holding the pipe. 

“Let this go....” He allows me to take the pipe from him and I realize with horror that its covered in blood…and hair…silver hair.

“Fen tell me what happened!?” His head falls forward against my chest and I quickly try to assess the damage. 

“G-got jumped…they…found me…” I can feel clotted blood in his hair, but I can’t see in the poor light. I try to pull him up but he gives a pained shout.

“L-leg! ” I think my breathing is irregular. I feel like I’m a fish out of water. 

“They…They broke your leg?!” His hand grabs at my shoulder. 

“Yes…get…get me out of here...” His voice drops. 

“Please…”

I carefully pull him up, scooping him into my arms. If I thought he was tiny before he’s even smaller now. Small, trembling and scared. I doubt he would admit it if confronted…but he’s scared. He’s talking as I shuffle towards the truck, which is still running with the headlights on. 

“I thought…I was safe. I had no one…” In the beams of the headlights I can see the damage. His face is bruised, one eye already swollen shut, red blotches covered his shirt and tattered jeans and his hair…was drenched in blood. 

He gives a hiss as I try to find the source of the blood.

“Keep talking Fen, don’t fall asleep.” He groans, his hands were twitching now.

“T-The first guy wacked me in the head with that pipe…I didn’t even hear them…The camero…was running…had my head near the engine…when I fell he snapped my leg.”   
He chuckles. “Damnit G-Garrett…This is n-not how I wanted us to spend time together…”

I carefully lay him in the truck’s cab, trying my best not to touch his leg. The cab isn’t as large as the truck itself but it’s enough. I carefully raise his head as I climb into the driver’s seat and let him use my thigh as a pillow. 

He’s lying on his side, his hands dangling limply off the seat, with every bump, he would grunt or cry out in pain. It hurt…it hurt a lot. I cant imagine the pain he must be going through…

My hand clenches the steering wheel to the point I feel like I could rip it free of the dash.

“Son of a bitch!” I slam my hand on the dash. 

“I shouldn’t have gone home. God damnit!” He shifts slightly.

“This…is not your fault. They waited…they knew you were there…” he goes into a coughing fit and I cautiously ease my hand over his chest. I can feel the rattle in his lungs…

“Don’t speak anymore Fen. I need to get you to the hospital.” He makes a small disapproving noise but returns to lying against my thigh. My body is shaking with left over adrenaline, I can’t help it, I’m a big guy. It takes awhile for it to get through my system. 

I can’t turn on the radio, it would sound like worthless chatter in my ears. So I let my fingers run through his hair, anything to stop the murderous thoughts going through my head.

That’s when he starts having spasms, not a seizure, he says that it’s not…but his muscles are over reacting to the chemicals his body is producing. The clinic is over a mile away now, and he’s fairing worse more so than better.

“It’ll be alright.” I find myself saying it more to ease my own mind more than his.

It’ll be alright…


	6. Chapter 6

They work on him for hours. His leg was the major injury; fractured in three places, they had to do surgery on him. He had to be in there for hours but my mind was elsewhere. God damn hospitals. They smell of old people, bile, chemicals and death.

And they bring forth horrible memories.

I call my mother and tell her what happened or rather that Fen injured himself and I am tending to him. I don’t know the full story yet. He doesn’t want to talk about it and he made it clear when I pulled him from the truck that he did not want the authorities involved. 

I walk awkwardly about the waiting room, they wont let me see him yet, the doctor said that he had some sort of reaction to the anesthesia and was trying to fight off the nurses. 

“We just need to calm him down and be sure he didn’t tear any stitches. His leg was fixable we just mended the bone with a support bar and screws. He needs to stay off of it for about six weeks, are you his…” the pause causes me to stutter. 

“N-no just friends, doctor. I found him…like that.” 

Anderson was the head doctor in this clinic, he’s nice enough and very devoted to his patients. Even now, he looks as if he has yet to sleep at all this week. I can understand dedication, but when do you draw the line?

He pulls his hair back and pulls a hair-tie from his pocket.

“It shouldn’t be much longer now, he’ll be drowsy for a few hours, but I’ll give you access to see him and calm him.” He tugs his hair into a ponytail.

“He did not enjoy the medicine, he nearly broke my arm. Very, very strong guy.” He gives me a small cup of water and leads me back towards his room. 

Room 315,Nothing special, Next to rooms filled with empty beds and a odd looking machine I don’t care to know what it does. “Why is he back here?” I have to keep ducking beneath exit signs; I’m too large for this itty-bitty hallway. 

Anderson rubs at his chin.

“Well, when he woke up he was spewing some awful language. I figured we’d put him somewhere far away from everyone else, for his safety as much as anyone else’s.” Well that’s something I suppose. 

We reach his room and he shakes my hand. 

“I’m going to finish the paperwork on him, you are free to leave whenever. Just call for a nurse if you require any assistance. You will need to pick up his meds at the counter in the morning, till then, be careful.” He leans in, his voice lowered. 

“I don’t know what happened or if you even know, but he has more scars and broken bones than a pro-athlete. Whoever these ‘people’ were, they wanted him dead.” 

I give a nod before opening the door to Fen’s room. 

“Thank you for everything Doc. I won’t let him out of my sight while he’s like this. Whether he likes it or not.”

The room is small and dark but by the gods is it loud. So many wires and devices hooked up to wires and vice versa. He’s on his back, his arms restrained at his sides with the bed rails. He’s not awake, not fully anyway. I try my best to be quiet. I grab a very uncomfortable looking chair and slide it up to the bed. It lived up to its expectations.

He jerks his arm and rattles the bed enough to startle me. 

“I do not like restraints…c-cant escape.” He doesn’t even have his eyes open and his speech is slurred. His arm thumps back to the mattress and he becomes very still.

I scoot closer to the bed eying the restraints at his wrists. I could see the skin around the strips had been rubbed raw from constant tugging. Does he really need these? He has a broken leg, he’s not going anywhere. I slip my hand beneath the restraint and slowly unbuckle it from his wrist. He’s warm…very warm. I stand and lean over the bed to reach his other hand.

Can I be any more of an idiot at this point? I’ll have to work on it.

As soon as the last restraint comes off, he wakes up. I’m sure seeing a large shadow giant leaning over you in a hospital bed sent off red flags. To put it lightly, his fist greeted my face. 

Hard.

I keep myself up afraid that if I fell I would hurt him even more, but by the maker my vision is spinning.

“Garrett…W-what…” He’s holding the sleeve of my shirt, trying to keep me up.

“I-I am sorry…I thought you were…someone else…” I groan, holding my swelling cheek. He packs a punch and if he wasn’t doped up right now, I’m sure he would’ve knocked me out.

I push myself from the bed rails and fall, ungracefully, onto my oh so uncomfortable chair.

“Ow…” Is really all I can think to say. He’s sitting up in the bed, trying to maneuver without pulling out any wires.

“Hawke, are…are you okay?” I rub my cheek.

“Well you could have hit me a lot harder. I’m glad you didn’t.” He’s not looking at me, rather he’s staring at his wrapped up leg.

“No…I mean…are you okay…with what…” he sighs and scratches the IV in his arm. I want to tell him to stop, that he’ll hurt himself again, but something stops me from moving.

I’m not sure what, I just don’t move. 

“I…have much to tell, don’t I?” he looks at me then but then quickly looks away. 

“Tell me. What do you wish to know? I will tell as much as I am…able.” Meaning as much as he’s willing to speak of. 

I am no one special to him, I am merely a customer, but I want him to know that I am here for him. its almost as if he is trying his best to believe it, but something is holding him back. 

“Those men…who are they?” He nods, leaning back against his pillow and folding his hands on his bare stomach.

“Clients of my old…acquaintance…you remember when we spoke of the Capitol?” I nod. He clears his throat. 

“This man, the one I worked for…is a star member of the court…he has dealings with real unsavory people, Garrett. Murderers, thieves, rapists, any one he needs to get ahead in the game.”

I lean back in my chair as he looks at me. “That’s how he found me.” Okay, creepy. He blinks watching my face. I smirk.

“What? Expecting me to run?” He grunts.

“I half expected you would get the hint. I am…not a good man Garrett. I grew up on the streets, I fought to live and sometimes that seriously hurt people. Hell Garrett, I don’t even know if I’ve killed anyone! I might be a wolf in sheep’s clothing and not even know!”

I stand up and he leans back. On guard even now.

“And what if you have Fenris?” He swallows thickly, looking away.

“Then…I would pay the consequences gladly.” I get a small cup of water and walk over to him, holding it out to him. He hesitates.

“And that is why you are a good man, Fen. We all do things we are not proud of; we all make mistakes. You can either defend those mistakes or get over them.”

He takes the cup from me. 

“That’s…one way to look at it…” he smiles, patting my hand. “Thank you.” I nod and poke at my swelling cheek. He frowns, his brow knits together.

“I…really am sorry about that.” He raises a hand before pulling it back.

He’s watching my face again. “May I?”

I blink and sit down beside him. “If you want… “

He carefully touches my cheek and I’m trying my best to be still. Any movement would probably scare him away. 

“Reflex…I have a bad habit of hitting first and asking questions later.” I chuckle. 

“Not always a bad thing, it kept you alive…” I give a sigh. “So these men…What do they want from you? To kill you?” His thumb is messing with the course hair of my beard.

“So it seems. It’s been years Garrett, I’ve lost track of how many times they’ve tried. They caught me off guard this time. It wont happen again.” 

I grab his wrist weary of the sensitive skin on his wrists.

“No it won’t.”

He chuckles, placing his other hand over my own. “Oh, do I have a mighty champion to protect me?”

I smile. “If you’d have me, yes. Fen…I’ll be honest…When you called…I…uh…panicked. I didn’t know what was going on and I honestly thought you were going to die.”

I swallow, releasing his hand to fiddle with my own. “Blood…blood is not something I enjoy seeing. Definitely on people I’ve come to…c-care about.” His eyes, those brilliant emerald green eyes, are watching me, a soft gaze; listening. 

“When…When I found you, bloodied, beaten and unable to fight…I wanted to…run down those bastards…I saw them leave.” I clench my hands. “I shouldn’t have left…It’s a Hawke’s responsibility to protect others…and I left.”

He holds his hand out and I lightly grab his fingers. 

“So it turns out…I am in need of someone to help me while I’m indisposed…Garrett why don’t you stay and help me out.” He pulls at my hand to get my attention. 

“Garrett, you did all you could. You saved my life. It was no accident that I called you.” He moves back on the bed, still holding my hand. 

“I knew you would come…and I have come to care for you as well…” he shifts slightly and gives a sharp intake of breath. “Ah…pain meds wore off…are we able to leave? I hate these clinics.”

I smile as I get to my feet.

“Let’s get you home then.”


	7. Chapter 7

He falls asleep on the way back. I don’t drive to his place; too dangerous, they might go back to be sure he’s dead or worse…they never left.

I pull into my drive and just sit there for a minute. Fen at my place; injured and needing to be taken care of. Its progress right? I can still feel his fingers against my cheek. That. That was progress. 

That was trust.

I unbuckle my seat belt and turn off the truck. Fen is asleep against the window. His neck bent awkwardly against his arm on the ridge of the door. I gently tug at his shoulder and with just that he snaps awake. He pinches the ridge of his nose before rubbing at his eyes.

“Where…are we?”

“My place. I didn’t want to risk them being back at your place. Is…was that alright?” He looks out the window, eyeing the other condos beside mine, all different colors but still the same layout. Nice and cheap. He gives a small nod, clearing his throat.

“If you’d have me. I don’t want to intrude.”

Intrude? Pfah! Hawke’s care for those in need. 'put others before yourself’ that’s the Hawke family motto. I help him out of his seatbelt.

“Fen, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I was worried about guests. I warn you though, Brakkar is one nasty mutt. Beware of the slobber.” I lean over him to open his door and I feel him tense. I catch his eye. 

“Sorry, did I bump you?” 

I see something flick behind those eyes but I don’t catch it before he closes them with a small chuckle.

“No.” He shifts enough to get his legs out of the truck, but he has to wait for me. I shuffle back to the driver’s side, opening the door and getting out. I open his door a little further before reaching for him. He grabs my hand and tries his best to get out of the car on his own. I cant really grab him anywhere but his arms, he’s covered in bruises and bandages, not to mention his head is covered in dried blood and dressings.

His good foot reaches the pavement while he grips my forearm. He’s so tiny compared to me, his head maybe comes up to my chest. He hops out of the way of the door as I move to close it. “I’ll need to carry you up the stairs. Is that okay?”

He gives a little laugh, one that is barely audible. Weak and deflated. I dip down and carefully lift him up. His cast kept his leg confined to one position and kept it from banging into anything. I can smell the alcohol they used to clean him up after the surgery and its making me dizzy.

My apartment is a basic studio condo with a large half observatory ceiling and a few spare rooms. Mainly it’s just one large living room with a kitchen and rooms off to the side. Brakkar patrols the whole place and Maker I hope he finds Fen suitable to be in my bed.

And as if on cue as soon as I reach the door I can hear the mound of muscle barreling towards the door.

Fen’s arm tightens around my neck as I shuffle through my pockets from my key. 

“The dog I presume?” I flick through my keys until I find the one for the door, using my other hand to hold him up. If anyone was watching us it’d look like I’m carrying a big bag of white haired potatoes. 

Fentatoes…I need to stop.

I unlock the door and BAM there’s Brakkar, sniffing and drooling and very interested that I was carrying a fentatoe. He barks and bounces around until I lightly push him back with my foot. 

“Down boy, down! He’s a guest, and he’s hurt. You have to watch over him for a few days okay?” he wags his stubby little tail and follows me through the foyer and to the living room. 

I push through my bedroom door and move towards the bed. Nothing special, just a box spring sitting on the floor with a lumpy mattress. And pillows! I like pillows. Lots of pillows. I have bad circulation due to my size and having an uneven and lumpy bed makes that easier to manage. Usually my leg is propped up or my head or sometimes I just fall asleep on my face, still I usually wake up with numbness and have to wait a bit before standing or I’d fall face first on the floor.

It has happened many times, but I’m learning. Either that or I’m slowly but surely suffering brain damage.

“Alright, I’m going to put you on the bed. Let me know if I hurt you okay?” he chuckles.

“I’m not made of glass.” I ease him down against the mattress, being overly weary of his leg. The bars protruding from the cast could be easily caught on anything and pull on the sensitive flesh and bone beneath.

I grab one of my overly stuffed pillows and carefully place it beneath his broken leg, propping it up enough to ease any discomfort. I scratch at my beard and step back, surveying my work. Satisfied I grab the blanket and lightly cover him with it.

“Thank you. I…am not used to being cared for…” he rubs at his eyes and I can see the dark circles forming beneath them. Dr.Anderson said to give him some fluids and then give him his meds, Might as well make dinner while I’m at it.

“Are you hungry?” He moves to sit up, rubbing at his bandaged arm. 

“Unbelievably so, but am I able to have solid food yet?” I chuckle shrugging my shoulders. 

“Well, I never followed doctor’s orders with my injuries. I think all they warn about is that your stomach might not agree with you. But if you are hungry, I’d gladly make you the most amazing frozen pizza you have ever had.”

He gives a warm laugh before sitting back against the pillows. 

“That sounds great. So am I confined to this room until I am able to walk?”

“That depends on if you want me to carry you. You are rather light; I would gladly be your draft horse for transportation.”

I switch on the TV for him and let Brakkar take his place at the side of the bed. I place the remote on the mini-fridge beside the bed before going to the kitchen to make the pizza.   
So this is actually happening. He’s in my bed, putting on my clothes for PJ’s and watching some investigative crime show. Maker…

By the time the pizza is done and I make it back to my room, he’s asleep. His face scrunched against the pillow and his leg still propped. What a weird way to sleep and painful looking. His back was twisted.

“Fen.” I place down the plate of pizza, still steaming and delicious on the mini fridge and pull back the blanket bunched on his hips. I push at his shoulder carefully trying to roll him onto his back. The only part of him that isn’t bruised is his back and maker knows how many ribs are broken or have hairline fractures.

I can feel the strong muscles just beneath his shirt tense as I push him but he relents with a sleepy grunt.

I tug the covers back over him, up to his shoulders. “You enjoy this don’t you?” he says quietly with a little smirk on his face. I give a shrug. 

“I do what I must. I admit I like the responsibility.” I set my eyes on his hair, still knotted with dried flakes of blood.

“They didn’t wash your hair.” I say flatly. He chuckles, curling closer. 

“I didn’t let them. I don’t like being touched.” I flinch.

“Oh? I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

He’s really close to my knee, enough that the bridge of his nose is almost touching the denim of my jeans.

“Just takes time…” He’s falling asleep again and I bunch up the blanket around him.

“How much time?” He smiles and opens one eye.

_“See and find out.”_


	8. Chapter 8

With that he falls asleep, in my bed, curled in my blankets. The TV is muted but I watch it anyway. Boring news stories, something about a high speed chase. Kirkwall being Kirkwall. The picture flicks to another story, another big storm is going to hit the shoreline tonight. That means I can open up the windows! I cautiously lift myself from the bed. Fen gave a grunt as the bed shifts but stayed asleep. Brakkar raises his head from his perch at the end of the bed and wags his stubby tail as I make my way to my window. 

It gives a few squeals as I lift it open but softly clicks in place. The breeze is chilled but mixed with the dampening humidity it feels great. I can see quick flashes in the distance, even some light thunder. I just lean out the window for a while, watching leaves get caught in invisible currents and drift away. 

Drift.

I wonder if that’s how fen made a living. Just drifting around like a leaf, unable to stay in a single place for too long because of some unseen force. He hasn’t told me much about himself but I feel as if I know enough to tread those waters…if he’ll let me.

A loud rumble echoes through my condo and Brakkar snaps up and gives a low bark.

Fen shifts and lazily scratches at his head before rolling onto his side. This man is too cute for words…I wonder what he meant earlier.

‘See and find out’ can mean…a lot. When should I see…and find out? 

I heave a heavy sigh before scooting away from the window. An idea pops in my head, one that not only sounds brilliant but could keep myself busy long enough to feed him if he wakes up later. Drawing, I can draw. More abstract designs more than anything else. Fen is covered in these abstract designs…white ink on tan skin. I snag my laptop and a few sheets of thick white paper. They say inspiration kicks in mostly at night but they don’t know why. Most of my most creative pieces have been featured in local galleries before but inspiration has abandoned me until now. 

In my twenty so years I have never accepted the term artist. I’m nothing extraordinary; I just like the feeling of picking up a pencil and creating something from nothing with little more than a leaf floating in the breeze for inspiration. I crawl onto the opposite side of the bed from Fen, his back to me and I can see the fine ink etched into his back traveling in arrow shaped swirls down his spine. They look more like scars than tattoos. I lean back against my pillows with the laptop acting as a desk for my pencil and paper and begin.  
Sharp lines smooth out with further control and I go into my own little world. A man covered in markings finds me on the road, helps without question and offers me a place to stay. The feeling of my heart opening again after years and the hope of returned feelings.

The bed shifts slightly, waking me from my own little trance. My paper is filled with elaborate swirls and designs, but if you look closely I mimicked his tattoos to a key…all that I’ve seen anyway. Fen turns towards me and bumps against my forearm and he wakes up. He knows he’s really close but he doesn’t seem to mind me laying down beside him.   
He cranes his neck to see what I was doing. 

“You are an artist?” he smiles and reaches for the picture and I let him. I fiddle with my pencil, my one and only mechanical pencil that I’ve used for pretty much every drawing I’ve ever done. I’ve tried changing pencils, but it is never the same. He’s really looking at the picture now, surveying it, calculating every curve. 

“You have a knack for art and…” his eyes flick to me as he smiles. “You drew them accurately. I’m surprised you’ve only seen me without my shirt on once.” 

Don’t say you memorized his skin.

DON’T say you constantly imagine him naked!

“I memorized them.”

Fuck.

He laughs and I feel the warmth in my cheeks.

“You’re cute for a man with a creature growing on his chin.”

Cute.Cute CUTE. He called me cute. Game over, I’m dead. This is not real. Nope.

Now his hand is on my chin, his fingers stroking the course hair of my beard. 

“How do you do it? I apparently lack the gene for body hair.” I swallow thickly and clear my throat. 

“I-I uh…” He smirks, withdrawing his hand. 

“Did I move to fast? You look like your trying to catch up to what’s happening.” It feels as if cotton is stuffed in my mouth, and I can’t breathe. I manage a few words at least.

“W-what’s happening exactly?” His eyes are dark as he raises himself up from the bed. He grabs the laptop from my lap and the picture and carefully places them on the floor. 

“How about-“ he pulls at my shirt and I comply. “We see where this goes.” He pulls me down and I’m within a hairs width of him, looming over his chest and bracing my hand against the wall to protect him from my weight. I think I’m shivering…my adrenaline kicked in. His hands slide up my shoulders before moving up across my neck.

“I would like to…show you how much I appreciate your…help.”

He doesn’t move and it takes me a moment to realize I was supposed to give him the go ahead. I bend my head down and place a shy kiss on his forehead. He chuckles and pulls me down again. He kisses me and honestly, I can just die now. His lips are soft just like the rest of him and he’s gentle. It’s a slow leisurely kiss one that says a lot with no words. He pulls back with a smile and moves his thumb against my cheek.

“Have I delivered a clear enough message, serah?” I mimic his hand, caressing his cheek softly.

“Loud and clear…” I bend down and kiss him and he lets me even as my hands apparently had their own plans. I push up his shirt and he grunts. 

“Garrett?” I push past his shirt and wrap my arms around him, pulling him close to me. He gives a soft laugh against my chest. 

“You are really too cute to handle you know? I thought you were going somewhere else with that…but I like this.” He runs his hands against my chest. 

“May I?” I tug him closer as his hands pull at my shirt. Carver likes to call me a bear because I have more hair than anyone else in my family, even dad. Fen though, is fascinated by it. 

He’s pretty much hairless from what I’ve seen. His chest is bare, a reaction to the ink perhaps? Not to mention his hair is almost white. I nuzzle into his hair as he rubs at my sides. 

“Your hair…is it naturally this color?” he gives a low hum.

“Stress related I suppose along with a chemical now banned in most tattoo ink. It started going white after my twentieth birthday.” He‘s messing with my chest hair now. 

“By the Maker, you can be a rug. This is…” he’s smiling.

“Hot.” I chuckle. 

“In more ways than one. I have a standard body temperature of about 101. That’s how all Hawke’s are, but I’m a personal furnace if needed.” A loud crack of thunder shakes the condo and Fen jumps. Enough of a jump that his leg moves and he hisses in pain. I sit up and lift his leg up and over the pillow once more. I rub the sole of his foot as he tries to fight off the pain. 

“I didn’t know you were scared of storms.” He grunts and leans back. 

“Not afraid…just…bad memories.” I nod and slide off the bed. He sits up.

“Where are you going?” There’s something in his voice…something I don’t think he wanted me to hear. I ease him back down to the mattress. 

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get your medicine and some water. Brakkar is here.”

He smiles but its weary. He really hates storms…I don’t want to imagine what happened to make such a solid guy that Fen tremble in fear. Something that hurt him deep enough to still bleed. I bend down and place a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m not going anywhere.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I don’t like storms.” It comes out of nowhere and frankly I was half asleep myself when he said it. It has to be around three in the morning. I push myself off from the bed and rub at my face, trying to get out of my sleepy haze. He’s on his side, his back facing me. “What…?” I roll towards him, nudging myself onto his pillow. 

“Storms. I am not fond of them. The memories it brings up…I’d rather forget.” I reach out and touch his shoulder.

“Look at me Fen.” He doesn’t move so I move closer. I don’t know how far I can test this new…thing we are doing. 

“Tell me what to do.” I kiss his ear lightly and he shivers. Its dark but I can tell he’s looking at me.

“Do that again.” I pull him closer and press my face into his hair, which smells of the hospital and car oil.

“I will but…can we…uh talk first?” I hear the rumble in his chest.

“As you wish. What would you have me say? Would you have me beg?”

I jump up. “What? No! I-I just meant…talk…talk. You know like…” I shrink back down. “I don’t want to mess this up…” He’s quiet for a bit before he starts to laugh. I feel the bed shift and flinch as he touches my face.

“We will talk, but I feel as if I need to show that this is not a game to me, yes? I do not…do this to play, Hawke. It is just that…I am not easy to love or give love…too much has been done to me and it takes time. I am willing to do this…for you.”

I turn towards his hand and kiss his palm. “So…we can take it one step at a time? No rush?” his fingers scratch through my beard.

“Yes. As slow as needed.” He brings his other hand up to fiddle with my beard and I find my eyes closing.

“You are a big bear aren’t you?” He says with a chuckle in his voice. I hum deep in my chest and reach for him in the dim light. 

“So, on the talking issue…” I settle down beside him and pull him towards my chest. “I need to know my limits on questions.”

His hand is busy drawing circles and other designs on my chest. 

“Limitations? Hm. Nothing about…who I was with before. It’s still fresh. Anything else is open game.” I rest my hands on the small of his back, he’s so small compared to me, I think I’m folded around him actually. Comfortable nonetheless. 

“How did you end up working on cars of all things?” I can feel the muscles beneath his shirt; my shirt, move with every breath he takes  
.   
“When you end up with nothing you do your best to find something to do. I had a knack for fixing cars it seems. I uh…had past experience.” With a certain EX who shall remained unnamed until he is ready to talk. 

Fen has lived more than one life, maker, I can’t even imagine. The streets, no parents…And a crazy ex who branded him like a prized bull…

It’s too quiet in my room…the TV is muted and flashing pictures of pointless advertisements. He exhales softly and it tickles my neck. I fiddle with my hands behind his back. “Have you ever worked for a car company?” 

He laughs. “No”

“Why not?”

He stretches his legs and I hear the creak of the bars on his cast. 

“Most places require you to be certified. I’m self taught.” I hum, impressed. I can’t even find the alternator in my car…Fen can probably find it by memory of a past car alone. His hands are still drawing lazy circles on my chest and I lightly slide my hand up his back. 

“So these markings…is that a question that is within the limits?” 

He’s closer now, his lips are on my neck and I shiver. 

“Perhaps…Do you mind if I…?” I tug him closer as his arms ease over my shoulders. He places a soft kiss against my lips before moving back to my throat. 

“Dan marked me to show who I belonged to.” There’s something in his voice. Not anger…it jumps right past anger. 

“I was bought. Nothing more than a pet.” He sits up abruptly, my hands still tangled around his waist. He’s tense, like a bow rung too tight.

“Fen.” He looks down at me, those brilliant emerald eyes sharp as knives. 

“It’s over.” He blinks and sighs. “He can’t hurt you while I am here. I assure you of that.” He chuckles lightly, it doesn’t sound like a true laugh, just something to fill the silence. 

“Thank you.” 

I shrug and stretch out in my bed. He’s looking around and I cross my hands across my stomach.

“What do you need?” he shifts to the edge of the bed, pointing towards the hall.

“I uh…need to use the restroom.” I sit up and pop my back, which he cringes at the loud cracks. “You don’t have to. I can make it.” I smirk and get to my feet.

“You want to try hobbling down a few stairs with a bum leg and broken and bruised ribs? I say no sir!” My large feet thump against the carpet; I’m the damned giant from jack and the bean stock. I guess that makes Fen my maiden…I won’t tell him that…ever.

I help him to his feet and he hops along with me as we head towards the bathroom. 

“So, you are an artist then? Self taught and all?” I shrug. 

“Art always came simple to me as a kid, I just never stopped as I grew up.” His hand is at the nape of my neck as I open the bathroom door. I let him get a hold of the railing on the side before letting him go. 

“I’ll be right out here. Just yell at me when you’re done.”

I go feed Brakkar as I wait for him to finish, making some small sandwich for Fen to munch on before he had to take more medicine for pain. I can hear him hopping around and when he finds me he give a victory smile. 

“See? I can move.” I laugh and come to his side with a sandwich.

“True, but you shouldn’t Mr. Mechanic. Anderson said I needed to keep you off your leg for a bit, hopefully you’ll heal and be all set within a month.”

He smirks as he reaches for one really sloppy PB&J wedge.

“So I have your attention for a month then?” I laugh and help him back onto the bed. 

“Much longer than that I’m afraid.” He smiles, genuine.

“I am…glad to hear it.”


	10. Chapter 10

Fen is asleep when I get up around seven in the morning. He’s tangled up in my comforter and giving off soft little snores. And he says I’m the cute one. I roll over and grab my cell off the night stand before getting up. Someone called during the night, but the number is just unknown. Weird. Not only that, they called around five in the morning. No message though, maybe just a wrong number?

“What is it? You look troubled.” I look over to see him looking up at me, still half asleep. I smile and put my phone back down. 

“Someone called. Not sure who.” He gives a yawn before sitting up. 

“Did you get a number?” I shrug and go to his side, folding the blankets away from him legs. 

“Nope, just shows up as unknown in my directory.”

He lets me pull him to his feet. 

“They won’t stop hunting me Garrett.” His hair is covering his eyes. “This was merely a warning to you. They will come back, we just have to hope that D- that he isn’t with them.” I tug him into a light hug, weary of his foot. 

“They will have to get through me first.” He pushes me back slightly and looks up at me. 

“That’s what I am afraid of. You have no view in this. You merely got stuck in this because of me.” He stands up straight, even on his injured leg. 

“I don’t want that Garrett. I will not allow you to be harmed because of me.”

I cover his mouth with a smirk. 

“No complaints.” He’s glaring at me, but it has no heat…but Maker is it making it in my gut. 

“Want to take a shower?”

~

There’s something really hot about this…I mean…really hot. As soon as I helped Fen into the bathroom he began to just toss his clothes about. He doesn’t even care that I’m in here, or if he does he has yet to tell me…

Hot. 

I just stand awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of what to do really. I can be bold and walk up behind him; and probably lose an arm. Or I can l give him privacy and then come back in once he’s in the tub.

Decisions decisions…

I turn around and move to walk out but he stops me, a light but solid hold on my elbow. 

“Are you not going to join?” It takes me a second to make a coherent sentence.

“Y-you want me to join you…i-In the tub?” he chuckles and limps closer. 

“No offense, Hawke, but you smell like the hospital and blood, and I could use some…help.” I fiddle with my hands, popping my knuckles loud enough he twitches. 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” He states, pulling off the oversized Tee I had given him to sleep in. By the maker his back… The lines that interweave over strong muscle are enough to make my mouth go dry. He peeks over his shoulder and quirks an eyebrow. 

“You like them don’t you? The markings.”

I’m messing with my hands again and he growls and places his hand over my own. His hands are so small compared to mine, but I’m sure he could break my hands with only his grip.

“Garrett, calm down alright?” I nod slightly, and lower my gaze. 

“This is new for me.” His hand falls to the hem of my shirt. 

“Have you been with anyone before?” He’s pulling at my shirt and I let him tug it over my chest. 

“I’ve been with a few…just nothing too serious.” He hums a low noise that reverberates in my chest and pulls my shirt over my head. 

“So the markings…?” As he tosses my shirt to the floor I slide my hands down his shoulders. 

“I do like them.” He makes that noise again and steps closer. 

“And why is that?” 

I swallow thickly and let my thumbs slide across identical swirls of white. 

“They are like…scars, a story that is always shown but is not conceivable.” He lets me trace a thick line down his forearm where it curls into his wrist and branches out to his long slender fingers.

“I am ashamed for being amazed at the beauty, but It does not mare how I see you.” He’s watching me now, those green emerald eyes fixed and dark. 

“And how do you see me, Garrett?” This is one of those delicate moments, delicate grown up moments. I bend down to him, bracing myself against the tile. 

“I see you as one strong bastard who has been through a long war with himself and others…only to find a large bear of a man stranded on the side of a road and to have that bearded man swoon like a Disney princess over his mechanic.”

That hard expression cracks into loud laughter and he pushes me slightly. 

“You’re an idiot.” He pats my chest and his eyes brighten. 

“By the maker, you’re covered in hair.” I snort back laughter ad bat his hands away.

“Hey don’t judge my winter coat, it keeps me warm at night.” He turns back to the tub, giving me the most arousing glance I’ve ever seen.

“I like it.” I see him messing with the buckle to his pants and my brain instantly reels. Naked fen, naked fen in my bathroom, and oh god I’m going to be naked with him. What if I get hard? OH GOD I AM HARD.

I face the wall as he starts to pull them down and I hear him laugh. 

“Would it be better if we left our boxers on then? I think you might have a stroke at this rate.” I nod and tuck my head down. 

“It’s just…it’s been a long time Fen…a…a very long time.” He’s pushing at my shoulder and I turn towards him. My god…his legs…How is this man human? You can see the seam of muscle on his thighs which disappears cleanly into his black briefs and I can see a very definitive bulge. I feel my face grow hot.

“Garrett.” He pulls my face to his and kisses me carefully, almost like a question.

“I promise you, we will go slowly okay? Just a bath, Boxers on. Alright?” I nod and lean into the kiss. God I love kissing this man. His lips are full and so soft. His hand is against the center of my chest, weaving into the thick hair there and I groan. He pulls back slightly and sighs.

“Shall we continue this in the tub?” I give a soft growl of approval and he laughs.

“A true bear.” I roll my eyes and help him over to the tub, letting him sit down on the sink counter before preparing the water.

“Luke warm or blazing hot?” He shrugs and flicks the cast on his leg. 

“We can do luke warm, you wont get too hot will you?” I chuckle and wave my hand.

“I’ll be fine; I think hot water is best for getting out blood and other nasty smelling things anyway, If I have to I’ll cool off by sleeping.” I plug the drain and turn to him. “Do you want me just to lower you down? We need to keep your cast out of the water.” He rubs at his chin and eyeing me. 

“Why don’t I just lay atop of you? That way I can have my leg out and you can have space for your size. I promise I don’t weigh much.”

I must have a dumb expression on my face because he quirks his eyebrow again. I nod quickly and stand up unsure what to do with my hands. 

“So uh…y-you just want to climb in after me?” he smiles and hops off the counter. 

“If that is acceptable?” I nod again and run my hand through my hair. 

“Okay. Okay okay.” I tug back the curtain and step into the back of the tub, stretching out fully before he came to the side. I lift him carefully into the tub and ease his back to my chest. I am overly cautious about his leg, which is now propped up on the side of the tub awkwardly.

As the tub fills I get more room to move without jostling him too much. I grab a small washcloth that I usually use to clean my face with and wet it. Its probably best I don’t talk or I’d be blurting out the dumbest things to get my mind off the fact that his butt is sitting on top of me, a growing part of me. Maker’s breath.

I put a little bit of soap on the rag and lightly drag it over his shoulders and back. He leans his head back against my chest and I slide the cloth gently over his neck and chest. He has a lot of scars, not just the markings. They look like old fractures and surgery marks. Fen what did they do to you before me?

I press my lips to his temple and he hums. I scoot back and let him sit up. I cant get his hair wet with him laying on me. He turns his back to the flow of water and tilts back. Maker, the lines on his neck. I can’t even imagine how painful…

He sits back up and slicks back his hair, which should not be sexy at all. 

“shampoo?” I point to a small bottle behind him and he hands it to me. 

“Care to do the honors?” Oh maker yes I do. I pour a small amount into his hair, which is even softer wet and gently begin to rub it in. He’s still sore and I can see the dark bruises and stitches covering his scalp.

He scoots closer to me and leans against my leg. He gives a hiss as I move closer to the stitches. 

“Sorry, it’s best to get them clean so it won’t get infected. I don’t want you to have any more pain than necessary.” He gives another low hum as I work the soap through his hair. I can see the clumps of blood fall into the water and try my best to ignore it. His roots are black…was his hair black before? I can’t imagine him with dark hair, it doesn’t match his face. 

“What are you thinking?” he asks softly. I give a small shrug and scoop some water into my hands. 

“Just thinking. You can rinse now.”

He moves back into the stream and scrubs at his scalp, it looks painful and I’m sure his stitches will start to bleed again. He pulls back and rubs at the back of his neck. 

“Sore?” he nods and reaches for the soap again. He makes a little twirl gesture with his hand and smiles. 

“Your turn.”

Well, I think we are doing this completely out of order. Isn’t it usually go out, come home, touch each other, kiss and make out, sex, then a bath? My body is so confused it doesn’t even know what to do.

I duck my head forward and he rubs the soap into my hair.

“Your tense Garrett, what is the matter?” He voice is thick and low and I can hear a small accent within it. It makes me smile. 

“I am fine, my body is confused.”

He chuckles. 

“I see.” He rakes his fingers at the nape of my neck and I groan. I flinch and clamp my mouth shut. He just smiles and helps me rinse my hair.

I need to get out of this tub…before I do something I’ll regret.


	11. Chapter 11

I let him get out before me to grab a few towels from the cabinet above the toilet. He’s putting more weight on his leg but I can see him flinch whenever it moves the wrong way. I hoist myself up only to be greeted with a towel over my head. I reach for it, but he begins to dry my hair.

“Stop struggling Hawke. What did you expect me to do?” There’s something in his voice, an emotion I cant recognize. I sit still in the tub and let him do as he pleased. 

“I try to expect the worse Fen, not that I expect anything from you.” He hums and pulls the towel away with a smile. 

“Always a good idea Hawke. No offense taken.” I crawl out of the tub and he hands me the towel to dry off as he dries himself. My boxers are sticking uncomfortably to my legs and I pull at them as I make my way out of the bathroom.

He hops about behind me as he dries his hair. 

“What is the plan for today?” He plops down on the bed and continues to shake the water out of his hair. 

“I need to run a few errands for some art supplies, but other than that, I don’t want to get to far from you.” He folds over and leans his elbows on his knees. He’s watching me as I open the dresser. When I turn with some clean clothes for him he blinks up at me. 

“These are a bit big but I’m washing your clothes as we speak…is that okay?” He takes the clothes and rubs the fabric with his thumbs. 

“Yeah…” I watch him caress the fabric. Its like he’s never received anything before. Not even clothes?

He snaps up and begins to put on the over sized black tee. He must have thought he was staring at it too long, or that he lost a little of that mask he wears about. He mumbles his thanks halfway through and I chuckle.

“Remind me and we will go shopping. You need clothes that aren’t covered in blood and oil.”

~

Around noon he begins to show signs that his meds have worn off. His leg makes involuntary spasms and he chokes out a grunt every time. I help him onto the couch and he instantly reclines back, clenching his eyes shut. 

“Do you want something for the pain?” He’s sweating…and he speaks through grit teeth.

“I don’t like being doped up in dangerous situations…I need to be able to focus if they come for us…” He hisses and grabs at the cast.

“Want me to divert the pain then? I can give you a massage…” he blinks up at me and I stutter. 

“O-only if you want me too, I know you don’t like being touched.” He doesn’t answer, he just sits back and remains tense. 

On guard.

I sit on the couch beside him and carefully pull his leg onto my lap. The cast was heavy and filled with metal bars to hold the bones in place. His bare foot was exposed at the end of the cast wrapped only in thick white bandages.

I run my thumb against the underside of his foot and he twitches. Ticklish or just startled by the contact? I rub soft circles against the arc of his foot, waiting for him to relax enough so that I can continue up to his knee.

“I’m not hurting you am I?” He mumbles something but I don’t catch it. He has his head tilted back and his neck exposed. I have yet to even get close to his neck, the thick lines of ink there must have been pure agony…the markings that cover the rest of his body are slightly raised but his throat…that’s a scar. A deep gouge filled with ink.

“Hey fen?” he rolls his head to look at me.

“Yeah?” I push on his toes and the small lines of ink on the pad of his foot. 

“how did they…your neck…it just seems…barbaric.” He looks up at the ceiling.

“Barbaric is a good word for it. I was doped out of my mind, I was…used the day prior in a fight and had some fractured ribs…they tied me down and I couldn’t really do anything.”

I touch my own throat and he chuckles. A sad sound, he’s not laughing. 

“I was screaming, I remember that…Dan had his hand clamped on my mouth to try to silence me. I ended up passing out and woke up in Dan’s house. I wish I never woke up at all.” He shifts his leg and wiggles his toes. I continue to rub at his foot as he talks, trying my best not to crush his foot under my monstrous hands. 

“I fought with any who dared anger him, and when the damage was too great and I fell, he would beat me again. I could not win and whenever I killed…if I ever did…I was greeted with a good meal and a bed…and his…” I look up as he stops talking. His eyes are dark as if he’s far away; lost in his memories.

I have a bad feeling in my gut. I know where this is going.

“Fen.” His eyes flick down to me and I feel heat in his gaze. Not towards me, but it burns me nonetheless. 

“You don’t have to…I understand.” He props himself up on his elbows. 

“Tell me something Garrett.” I perk and he looks away. 

“What will you do if they come for me?”

I give a half shrug as I tug at his toes. 

“I don’t know, I have a strong protective reflex when it comes to those I care about. My size alone deters most…but I’ve had to fight a few people…I-I don’t want to say that I am dangerous.” I remember the names I was called in high school when I got into fights protecting Carver. Monster, Giant…The beast…I don’t want to be feared…I’m not a bad person.

“You may be risking a lot by protecting me Garrett. If you are unwilling or can’t do this…I will go. My hands are already soiled.” I let him pull his foot free as he straightens up.

“It seems unfair. I get your protection and what do I give you? A working car?” he throws his hands up. “Not only that, but I get you involved because I was a coward!” 

“Fen it’s not-“

He stands up abruptly and clenches his hands. “It is that bad, Garrett! Do you know what he will do to you?!” He tugs at the shirt he’s wearing; my shirt. “He marks those he knows he can control. He can do the same to you. He’ll dope you up so much that you believe that you’ll want it.” His voice cracks and he bows his head. “The only thought being to serve adequately…and hope he will be gentle.”

Gentle…

“Fen did he…” he looks up from the fringe of white hair and his eyes are piercing through me. Hurt but there’s something dark behind it. 

“I was his. There is no other way I can say it…” I feel my control slip slightly as I shove my face into my hands.

“He’s a rapist…a lawyer…and a rapist.” I haven’t been this mad since…since…

Ever.

“I’m going to tear him apart…” My voice is gruff but as cold as ice. I want to rip this bastard apart with my hands…

I feel the couch shift as he sits back down. He’s quiet. I’m glad he is.

“I’m sorry, Garrett.”

I snap up and pull him towards me. He makes a soft grunt as I tighten my arms around him. 

“Shut up…Shut the hell up Fen…It was not your fault. Don’t you ever say you are sorry for what that…that bastard did! Ever!” He lightly grips my arms, his hands fit perfectly in the crease of my elbows. I hide my face in his hair and shiver as he draws little circles on my arms  
.   
“Easy…” he moves further up and rests his head on my shoulder. “He doesn’t know where we are…not yet…but we must be weary. Don’t lose focus in your rage.” He lightly pushes at my chest and I let him pull back. 

“Let’s get out of here. I think some fresh air will do us both good. I know a winery nearby. They sell something that will relax you and I both.” He gives a soft smile and caresses my cheek before giving me a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.

“Can you help me get ready?”

I nod and help him up. 

“Anything you need, Fen.”


	12. Chapter 12

Fen seems happier when perched in a known environment with his own bottle of red wine. The weather has cooled off quite a bit with the storm and now its just raining steady against the window. Fen is perched on my couch with his legs crossed as comfortably as he could make them with the brace. He’s talking and laughing as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. He throws his hands up and laughs, making a weird gesture with his fingers. “I kid you not; this big bear of a man was bigger than you! And-And he comes barreling down the alley way running like a bloody t-Rex from Jurassic park!” he cackles and I watch the wine slosh about in his hand.

“And I just stood there like an idiot! By the gods he hit me like a freight train Garrett!” he laughs and places a hand on his chest. “That beast broke both my collarbones and chipped a few of my vertebra but I got up and ran for it.” He snickers into his glass as he takes a sip. I move to sit next to him and he sits up but catches himself before he lowers himself back.

Trained.

Damn Fen.

I reach for the bottle but he grabs my hand. He slips his glass between my fingers and gives the cheekiest grin I’ve seen him do. “You’re not a germ freak are you?” I laugh and shake my head.

“No, far from it really. I was a little piggy when I was little. I loved to roll about in the mud with Brakkar.” He gives a soft laugh and leans his head back. “I like this…” I sip from the glass and watch him. I want to touch his throat, feel the raised lines of ink, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt him. Maybe one day. If this lasts.

I hope it does.

I snag the remote and flip on the TV to the news again, not to watch, just for noise. It gets too quiet between our conversations. It’s the quiet that makes me fidget. I feel him move beside me and I nearly jump out of my skin as his fingers graze the back of my neck. He’s not looking at me. He’s just reclined back watching TV and massaging the nape of my neck.

I clear my throat. “So how is your leg Fen? Do you need any more medicine?” he sips his wine again and shakes his head. 

“I am alright for now. Thank you.” We lapse into a comfortable silence. I listen to his soft breathing as he drinks his wine. I stretch my arms across the couch behind him and smile as he scoots closer. “I’m curious about something.” He’s staring.

“About?” He leans off to the side to place his glass on the chest before scooting back to me. 

“You have quite a few scars on your face.” He raises his hand to his chin and maps them out. “What I’m curious about is this one…across your nose and eye…May I ask how it happened?” I think he feels me tense because he backtracks instantly. 

“You don’t have to if it is personal. Mainly curious.” I smile and grab his hand. 

“This will be easier if I map all of them.” I pull his hand to my face and let him touch the deep groves of my scars. “This one-“ I move his hand to my beard line where a distinct patch never grows back. “That was from my little brother Carver when he got a knife for the first time. Little bastard flipped it open near my face.” I map out a few smaller ones from basic boyish adventures; falling from trees, getting into brawls, that type of thing. I touch the beginning of the deep gash on my nose.

“These are from the night Father died…A small explosion erupted in our house. I was standing too close to a window and my face got cut to ribbons by the glass.” I squeeze his hand slightly, lowering my gaze. “He helped someone and was killed for it…He got us out of the house…but the propane tank out back…” I clench my eyes shut. I can still see father’s face as he heard the hiss of the tank. How he turned back and closed the front door to shield us as much as possible. He trapped himself in the blast to save us.

“Garrett…” I snap my head up and take a shaky breath.

“Sorry I…Flashbacks…” Fen tugged at my arm and carefully pulled me into a hug. I feel my eyes sting. I pull him closer and wrap my arms around his back. 

“Th-Thank you.” He makes a low hum in his throat. I hide my face in his shoulder. His body is twisted uncomfortably to hug me, I can fix that. I pull back slightly and pull him further up the couch setting him down on my lap. He chuckles and returns the hug just as strong, just as solid. The world outside rumbles but I am in heaven; if I believed in it anyway, this would be it. Even though Fen is so much smaller than me, I feel safe in his arms. I can feel each breath he takes and feel his muscles move as he shifts, he’s relaxed and comfortable on top of me.

“I’m going to fall asleep like this…” I say softly against his cheek. He laughs softly. 

“I would not object. I’m full and it is raining…perfect sleeping weather. Granted it is only noon.” I rub at his back and he stretches. 

“On the couch then? I don’t want to move…I’m rather comfortable.” I chuckle and lie back on the sofa, taking him with me. 

“Do you need a blanket?” He lays his head against my chest.

“Hm. No. You’re warm enough for the both of us.” He wedges himself between me and the back of the couch and lets out a soft sigh. “I’ll need to go grab some stuff at my place soon…will you help me with that?” I scratch the soft hair at the nape of his neck. 

“You’ll have more trouble getting me not to follow you everywhere Fen. Of course I will.” He’s quiet for a bit and honestly I thought he went to sleep so I follow suit.

“They might be there when we go…” I open my eyes slightly and nod. 

“Probably…I’ll be armed. We’ll stop by my mother’s house and I’ll grab Dad’s revolver.” He sits up slightly.

“Are you…sure?” I pull him back down and pull him closer.

“Never been so sure in my life, Fen. Now please, get some sleep.”


	13. Chapter 13

The sound of a cell phone was enough to jar me from my sleep. It was a low musical tone and it took me a moment to realize it was Fen’s cell. It’s just buzzing away on the table. I’m not entirely sure I should answer it or even touch it. That’s Fen’s business not mine. He’s still asleep against my stomach, giving off soft little snores. Eventually I snag it from the table and stare blankly at the LCD screen. Some unknown number; A client perhaps? Someone waiting on repairs? It finally stops making noise and only pings once verifying a voicemail. 

I place it back on the table and ease back against the couch. “Who was it?” Well, I guess it was enough to wake him up. He stretches out and moves further up my stomach. “Why didn’t you answer it? It’s okay that you didn’t, but I would not have minded.” He scratches at his eyes.

“I figured it was someone you work with, I didn’t want to intrude on your business.” He smiles slightly and bites his lip before leaning down to give me a soft kiss. I rest my hands on the small of his back and smile into the kiss. He’s gentle and shy about taking the lead it seems. Which I find strange. He holds himself together much better than I do and he’s strong, inside and out.

I grunt as his cast thumps against my thigh. He pulls back. 

“Sorry, do you want me to-“ I shift and let his leg sit between my own, technically he was straddling my right leg. I reach up and slide my hand across his neck. He chuckles. 

“How is it I just now found someone like you Garrett?” I fiddle with his hand, feeling the tendons of his fingers flex.

“Do you want me to say something sappy? I can y’know, go off on Shakespearian speeches, gallivanting in my front yard swearing my heart and soul to you. Or I can-“ He clamps his hand on my mouth and I can see he’s holding in a laugh.

“You are insufferable.” He looks at his phone for a moment before removing hi s hand. “I need to check that call. Do you want to get ready? I think I need some fresh air and the ability to move about.” I sit up and help him put his feet on the floor.

“Let me go get your clothes out of the dryer. Just tell me when you’re done.” He nods and quickly dials his voicemail. I go to the back room which houses the water heater and my pathetic looking washer and dryer.

Anderson had to give me a special soap in order to at least break up some of the blood that had soaked through his shirt and pants. They smelled better at least, but there were obvious dark blotches where the blood used to be. He’s still on the phone when I place his folded shirt and pants on the couch beside him.

He watches me as I walk back to grab his shoes. He is going to need new shoes. they are by far the worse when it comes to blood coverage. We can do that while we are out an about I’m sure. 

I place them on the floor beside him and look up at him. He looks as if he’s far away, must be a very in depth conversation about who knows what. I motion to his feet and he gives a passive nod. I slip off his old socks and throw them as close to the laundry room as I could manage. My arms have been sore these last couple days, no reason really. It could have been from carrying Fen all over the city…but I can’t be that out of shape!

I hold his foot between my legs and gently slip on a pair of fresh socks. I smile as his leg twitches as my fingers slide across the arch of his foot. Ticklish? Or maybe just over sensitive due to, well, trauma. He heaves a heavy sigh before placing his phone down. “Well that was…not very reassuring.” 

He pulls his borrowed shirt over his head and reaches for his. “Bad business?” he chuckles.

“No bad news in general. I have been looking for something for a long time, hired a few detectives, they called to say the lead ran cold. I hoped…” he gives a pause before tugging his shirt down. “It doesn’t matter.” He shot himself down again…I wish he wouldn’t do that.

“Fen?” I still between his legs, holding his jeans in my hands. He shifts slightly sliding down the couch enough that I could pull his pants free. I maneuver his feet into each half and cautiously pull the material over his cast. If it caused any pain, he didn’t show it. I get to my knees and reach for his shoes.

I like this. The ability to take care of someone you care about. Without them feeling as if they are weak. Fen is definitely not weak; he is the very image of a strong willed man.

“Alright, up you go!” 

~

He’s able to walk a little better now. It’s still a painful stagger but he is applying weight to his foot. We head out the door and he waits while I lock up the place. The air is cool and crisp thanks to the rain, but it had made the area foggy. I help him down the steps and up into the cab of the truck. He smiles and nods his thanks. 

The mall wasn’t too far from my place, maybe only a couple miles south of the Bone pit mine. The mine was nothing but a sealed off danger zone now, but back in the day it used to house most of Kirkwall’s wealth. 

Silver mainly, but it hasn’t been mined in ages thanks to a collapse in the early 80’s. 

I see fen reach and turn on the radio; too quiet. “Sorry I was thinking.” He blinks. 

“Oh? I did not mean to make you think I did not enjoy the silence, just the rain…” It was still raining. Not a lot but enough to have the windshield wipers going. At least the storm had passed last night.

He leans back in his seat and folds his arms comfortably against his stomach. He seems tired. I bet his thoughts have been roaming in his sleep. He watches the rain fall against his window. I wonder what he thinks about. I wonder if he gets scared. Everyone gets scared right? 

Well not like me, I get scared from a piece of dust in my peripheral vision.

I turn off the road towards the Mall and squeeze his monster of a truck into a parking space.

~

I half expected him to shop for expensive things, like fancy jeans and such, nope. He buys clearance items and simplistic clothing and shoes. He isn’t hurting for money; he says so after each checkout when I look at him. He makes good money as a mechanic between major cities. 

I can understand that.

“Are you hungry?” He’s carrying one bag while I have the rest. I can tell just walking around is wearing him out. 

“Sure. May I sit for a bit first?” I chuckle and motion to a rest bench.

“I’m not going to say no, sit your butt down.” I grab his bag of clothes and add it to my own collection as he limps over and sits down. He’s a bit flushed, but I’m sure it’s from his meds wearing off. I place his bags on the bench beside him and kneel down in front of him. 

“Let me feel your forehead.” He blinks slowly and leans forward. 

He bumps are heads together and I can’t help but laugh and it makes him smile.

“I am a bit feverish. I think I just need some food and water.” The food court was behind us a little ways but if I were to walk there I would still be able to keep an eye on him while he rested. I get to my feet and dig about my pocket. I grab a familiar tool and carefully fold his hand around it.

“A knife?” I shush him before leaning closer.

“Just in case. I’ve noticed some…wandering eyes since we’ve arrived. If you see anything or notice anyone suspicious, you call for me okay? I will be right back.” 

If only I had known what was about to occur…I would have brought more than that.


	14. Chapter 14

The food court is packed, unbelievably so, Almost to the point where the line isn’t moving at all. I picked the line with the least amount of people and waited, periodically turning to keep an eye on Fen. He’s sitting up and messing with the concealed knife in his hand. 

I wasn’t lying. I had noticed some people talking amongst themselves and turning to watch him as we walked. I’ve seen these same people walking about the food court earlier. I don’t recognize them from the ones that fled Fen’s place when I pulled up, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more. This man, Dan, must have hundreds of goons chasing after Fen…Maker knows what they want. Money? His business? 

Him?

It wouldn’t take much to just grab him, but he told me that they stay back. 

Because of me. 

I’m a threat. I’m a big man but that’s all for show, I don’t think…I don’t think I can kill anyone. I hear the usual noise of people ordering their meals and the opening of registers. Everything is so loud. I jump as someone bumps into me. They apologize and that is that.

We make eye contact and I feel chills. The man from earlier, or rather one of them. It doesn’t take me long to notice where the other one was. He was making his way to the bench.   
He smirks at me as we wait in line. 

“The boss wanted to warn you Big guy, So listen close and be sure to take it to heart.” He grabs my arm and pulls me close, facing me towards Fen. 

“We can play this little game of hide and seek, but the one who peeks always wins. This is your one and only warning, give up the wolf and you get off easy. If you go against the boss, you will be killed. Easy as that.” 

He holds out his hand. “Deal?”

Something inside clicks.

You want a handshake? 

Oh, happy to oblige.

I grab his hand and crush it. He cries out and tries to wrench his hand away but I keep squeezing until I feel his bones snap. 

“No. Deal.” I let his hand go and grab him at the back of his neck. People are watching but I can play it off as two idiotic guys showing their strength in public. I shove him towards the bench where is buddy is stationed a ways behind Fen.

“I believe he belongs to you.” I shove him as hard as I can into his friend and they both topple over. 

“Get out of my sight before I decide to clear out the mall.” I’m shaking, too much adrenaline…almost like the night I found Fen but this was a power challenge, and I won. They scramble away to lick their wounds but they will be back.

“What was that all about?” Fen is standing beside me, arms crossed and studying my face. 

“Not only did you crush a man’s hand in public, but you threw them out as well. I have to say Hawke, I have never seen you look so…Vicious.” He smiles and rubs at his tattooed chin. “I like it.” 

I mess with my hands. “I don’t…I’m a protector not an aggressor.” I shift awkwardly and rub at my hand. The very same hand that just crushed someone else’s hand with just a squeeze. “C-can we get out of here?” He gives a small smile and pats the bench.

“Sit, talk with me. I promise we will leave…as soon as I get food.” He chuckles and motions towards the court. “We will wait until your crowd of admirers disperses. For now, just talk to me. You did something very…different than what you and I are used to.”

I sit heavily beside him and he holds his hand out. I hesitate. “Fen…I just crushed someone’s hand…” He shrugs.

“Will it make you feel better if I match that claim with my own?” he lets his hand rest on my thigh as he sits back. 

“I was used in fights; that much you know…but I had to do a lot of harm to people. Break legs, arms, jaws…skulls. What’s worse is that in some sick part of my mind I thought I was doing it for the greater good. I got fed when I fought well, better sleep and more time to myself to tend my wounds.” He rubs at the lines on his neck. I wonder if they itch from time to time or if that’s just his way of distracting himself.

“But if I failed, if I was downed in a fight and someone had to step in. I was punished.” He blinks quickly and shifts a bit too fast.

“The court is empty.” He won’t talk any further than that. I stand up and help him to his feet. 

“So you had to…kill?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Maker, If I ever did Garrett they didn’t tell me. Da- He would talk to me after fights and praise or punish me, sometimes I wished for neither.” I nod but I don’t know to what. I hope he will trust me with his past one day…but it’s too soon now for that kind of talk. His life has been a living hell since he can remember and I’m whining about crushing someone’s hand?

I buy him a slushy from one of the stalls and a pretzel. He eats it on the way to the restrooms where he changed into his new clothes. Which, I’ll be honest, he looks amazing in. A tight black underarmor shirt that truly outlined his muscles should not have been sold to him at the risk of everyone watching us as we walked. Maker…his arms. The white ink swirls eloquently over every muscles and flows with the lines of his body.

He opens up more as we walk around, which I love. Fen has little laugh lines and you see them when he gives a true smile. Adorable.

There’s something else behind his smile, something that he’s trying to push down and it makes me giddy seeing it. I see it when he watches me and doesn’t think I’m looking. I think he wants me to notice, so he can judge my reaction.

Two can play that game.

Oblivious Garrett is a go.


	15. Chapter 15

That ploy worked until we got back in the car. He was leaning against the door with his chin in his hands. He’s brooding. Actually brooding. I give a soft laugh before reaching over to scratch the dark hair at the nape of his neck. He shivers slightly and closes his eyes.

“Why do you do that?” he moves his hand up and his fingers brush my own. I pull my hand away and start the truck. 

“Do what?” He glares at me and smirks. I have never seen anything more arousing than that face. 

“Oh I see what you’re playing at. Very well.” He sits back and just watches me. It makes me nervous. 

“W-What?” he smiles and shakes his head. 

“Ah ah, I won’t tell you a thing until we get back to your place.” But…we have to go to my mom’s first. Oh Maker, what does he have planned. I put the truck into reverse and start backing up when I feel his hand on my thigh. I jerk and accidently slam on the brakes, shaking the cab. He’s laughing, full heartedly. 

“Oh my friend you have it bad. My apologies, I did not expect such a reaction.” My face feels hot and I grumble. 

“Please don’t do that when I’m behind the wheel of a monster truck…I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.” He stops laughing and scoots closer. 

“I feel safe enough with you Garrett, okay? Don’t worry about hurting me.” I hear someone honking and I realize I’m still in the center of the road. I drive away and quickly get back onto the highway and head to Lothering.

Fen is quiet for the most part. Watching the trees go by and rubbing the edge of his cast. I ask him if he needs any meds and he explains that it just itches. He’s going to cut that thing off if he gets fed up with it. I need to hide the power tools.

We get to moms close to dusk. I can tell Fen is getting tired; he’s going to need his painkillers soon. I pull into the drive. The house is large for the area, but it’s just a usual one floor living space filled to the brine with artwork and sculptures. I get my artsy gene from her. Fen straightens in his seat trying to maneuver his leg so he’s able to get out. 

“Don’t worry about getting out Fen, she’s going to bring it out to us. I need to get you back so you can take it easy.” He rumbles and sits back. 

“I don’t like this.” He leans back against his window and sighs. He sounds down. 

“I know you don’t like being taken care of Fen.” It hurts to know he probably doesn’t appreciate the attention, but it doesn’t change the fact that he allows it. He glances at me and looks down. 

I see the door to the house open and a familiar face greets me carrying a familiar black army box. 

“Hello sweetheart! Oh, Fen is here too?” She waves at him in the cab and he rolls down the window. 

“Hello Leandra, Good to see you again.” She waves him over and he gladly opens the cab door. 

“He’s a bit…worse for ware mother.” She gasps as she sees his cast.

“Oh no, sweetheart! Did you hurt yourself working on the camero?! Please come inside, I’ll make you some tea.” She doesn’t wait for any one to answer, she scurries back inside. Fen comes to my side. 

“You…did not tell her?” I put my hand on the small of his back and help him up the porch steps. 

“If you think I freak out over injuries, who do you think I got it from?” he smiles slightly. 

“I appreciate it Hawke…I don’t want to involve anyone who could be…” I nod and let him walk on his own inside the house. 

I know Fen. I know.

Mother makes a special spiced tea she had received from one of her many artsy friends back in Lothering, mainly those who traveled through the free marches on a regular basis. She hands an cup to Fen and I see recognition cross his face. 

“This…is a Tevinter spice.” I feel my heart speed up. I don’t want him to have those memories; those of which remind him of pain and restraints. 

“Oh yes, Malcolm snagged this for me on one of his many business trips out to the Capitol. It was one of his favorites.” Fen looks over to me and gives a wry little smile. 

“Garrett, there is no need for such a sad face; I made some for you too.” I snap up and shake my hands. 

“W-what sad face?” She scoffs and shakes her head. 

“There you go again getting lost in your own head. You looked as if someone kicked your puppy.” Well…of sorts I suppose.

She hands me a glass of the hot tea and I roll the cup between my palms. Fen sits down at the table to get off his leg, much to my prodding really. I’m afraid he’s moving around on it too much…I don’t want his bones to grow in the wrong way. Anderson showed me pictures…I wish he hadn’t. 

“So Fen, what happened to your leg sweetheart?” He sips his tea and clears his throat.

“The camero fell off the stilts I had it resting on, crushed my leg.” Just like that, a simple white lie and she buys it. Well, I would buy it too if I hadn’t been there. He shrugs his shoulders in my direction. 

“Luckily Garrett was there to pull the car off me and took me to the hospital…I am grateful.” I flush and sip my tea…my face feels like its on fire. 

“I’m glad I was able to help…lift a car.” He chuckles and casually chats with Mother while I reach for the black army box; Dad’s gun case. I flip the tab and open the lid. Inside was a sleek black Smith and Weston revolver; His favorite gun. “Its all clean and ready for your hunting trip Garrett. Promise me you’ll be careful.” I’ll burn for all those lies later when Fen is safe. 

“Yeah…” 

Fen talks about the camero mostly. Telling her what he plans to do with it and how he enjoys my company and willingness to help…he talks so calmly about it. Nothing intimate, he doesn’t tell her that we’ve…well…made out a little, or that we slept in the same bed and took an almost fully naked bath together.

He grunts and reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He squints his eyes to read it the number, which is bloody adorable, before excusing himself to answer it.

He’s quiet when he talks on the phone and he doesn’t look exactly happy about the call. I only hear one thing, oh sentence before he hangs up. “Try it.” And he hangs up. It puts me on edge to say the least. They can’t possibly have his cell…or could they? Dan is a lawyer…how far can he reach?!

When mother gets up to get Fen some more tea I step in beside him. “Problems?” He shrugs and lightly kisses my cheek. 

“We will have to leave soon. My meds wore off…And that tea…has other effects your mother is not aware of…”

I am about to ask him when Mother comes back. “Oh Fen, you look pale, do you need rest?” he shakes his head and moves to stand but groans. I help him sit back down.   
“His meds wore off…Can he rest here?” Fen tries to object but I think the matching look from both Hawkes got the message across. He sighs and relents.

“If that is alright…” She is more than happy about that.

“Garrett take him to your old bedroom, I’ll find some medicine. I believe we have some Lortabs left over for when you’re father had back surgery.” I nod and help him move out of the chair. 

He’s in pain. He must’ve masked it the whole time…Why? He limps along with me towards the back of the house. It’s not a large home, just big enough to house a few kids. He’s placing all his weight on me now…he can barely apply weight on his leg now. I lean down and carefully pick him up.

“I’m sorry…We can rest now.”

I open the door to my old room, still filled with old posters and artwork, even my bed is childish covered in little dragons and whatnot. He laughs as I sit him down on the mattress. 

“Cute.” I laugh and gently slip off his shoes. 

“Shut it. Here…let me take off your jeans.” I reach for his belt but he stops me. 

“Wait.” I blink and go to pull back but he holds me in place.

“That tea…did you feel anything from it?” I shake my head and he acts surprised. “Well, you will soon…in the Imperium it is known as a…well…aphrodisiac. It’s made up of high end herbs that are only found in the underground aqueducts in Tevinter.”He looks down at my hand and sighs. “It is effecting me…I do not wish to rush things.” His grip loosens slightly and I kneel down in front of him. 

“You are…?” he nods and I can see the faint flush to his cheeks. If he would not have said anything, I would have thought it was from the pain.

“Fen.” His eyes flick to my own; Dark, dilated and hot.

_Need. ___

I shiver slightly and feel warmth pool in my belly. Maker…

I stand up and close and lock the door. “What are you doing?” I look back and fumble with my hands. 

“I…would like to try something…c-can I?” he blinks and watches me as I kneel before him once more. He perks as I undo his belt and the button of his jeans. He reaches for me and carefully strokes my cheek. 

“Garrett…?” I kiss his palm and gently push him back onto the bed. 

“Trust me…please.” Something is in his eyes, I can’t read it. I lean down and place a cautious kiss on his lips; he returns it fully, wrapping his arms around my neck. I groan against him and he pulls back.

“You wish to do this here…?” I slide my hand under his shirt and chuckle. 

“Let’s see where this goes.” I slide onto the bed, hovering over him as he kissed down my neck. He bites and my breath hitches. That goes straight to my groin. I’m already straining against my jeans, but I’m not worried about myself. I let my hand slide down his stomach; I can feel the soft hair of his pubic line and I pause.

“May I touch you?” its gruff…and my breathing is harsh. He takes a deep breath and pushes his hips up to meet my hand.

“Yes.” My fingers twitch and I carefully slip pass the button of his jeans. I don’t go beneath his boxers…we aren’t to that point yet…But I can feel him beneath the fabric of his boxers and it makes my heart race. He moans softly and my blood flares.

“Fen...” He rolls his head back and groans as I run my hand against his clothed…well his cock. Maker the sounds he’s making…Fuck.

His jeans are restricting a lot of my movement. “Fen, I’m going to pull down your jeans a bit okay?” he pushes his hips against my hand as I slip his jeans off his hips, granted now they are stuck around his cast. I sit back. Maker only a thin material is keeping the sight of him at bay…I want to see him, to touch him and not fabric…to taste him…I want so much of him.

But I have to resist…for now. 

I press my palm against his cock and rub him through the fabric. He’s mumbling the cutest things, telling me what to do, how it felt, how much he needed it. He pulls his head up and watches as I caress him. 

“Garrett…Please.” I flinch and groan softly. I look up at him. 

“What do you wish of me?” He smirks and points towards my jeans.

“Take those off and crawl up here…I won’t be the only one to receive…” 

Well…This is escalating fast.


	16. Chapter 16

I remove my jeans and toss them on the floor beside the bed before maneuvering him out of his. They get caught on one of the bars but I’m able to get them off. His legs are covered in elaborate swirls of white ink and a few scars near his knee. I place a soft kiss to one of the scars and he chuckles. It’s a breathless sound and I can hear it get caught in his throat as I crawl up towards him.

“Fen, Are you sure about this? We can always stop.” 

He looks at me and motions down to his boxers.

“Surely I cannot walk about your mother’s house with a hard on…Why don’t you do something about it.” I can’t help the laugh that escapes and his eyebrows knit together.

“We need to work on your sexy talk Fen.” He growls and pulls me down and I feel a sharp pain on my shoulder. He bit me. He seriously bit me!

Kinky.

“Take it back.” I smirk and kiss the space between his ear and his neck, feeling him shiver.

“That depends, will you bite me again if I say no?” Words are awkward in situations like these…the very few situations I’ve had, that is. I have to say I’m already way pass the farthest foreplay I’ve had…And it was usually happening to me not the other way around…Ferelden Girls are…touchy. 

I twitch as Fen slides his hands down my back, flicking at the hem of my briefs. 

“How far…do you wish to go Garrett? If you wish to stop…just say so. I do not wish to mess this up…I have not done this for some time.” I push against him and he gives a soft groan. 

“Just touching…If we do this for too long Mother might get curious.” He smiles. A true genuine Fen smile and kisses me.

“Well, How could I argue that logic?”

~

He doesn’t last much longer. We just lay in my old bed, thrusting against each other and kissing and touching and oh Maker he kept squeezing everything…It made me see stars and Maker did I like it. I see him clench his eyes shut and grit his teeth before he came. His muscles shivering with the aftershocks as his breathing hitches. I place a sloppy kiss on his neck and he reaches and grasps me through my boxers. With a firm tug upward I come with a muffled cry.

My body trembles with the aftershocks and I do my best not to collapse on him and crush him. Not that he’s helping, he’s a complete limp noodle with his hands lazily squeezing my butt. Stop that. That should not turn me on. Stop it.

I groan and roll off to the side of him and out of the blue burst out into a fit of giggles. These are not manly giggles, can giggles be manly? I don’t care…I’m just…happy. 

Happy that Fen is here, Happy that I just got jerked off in my mother’s house…Happy that I was able to save Fen and that this…this is happening. He’s fairly quiet next to me. He has a cute little smile on his face and his eyes are closed. He seems content, but Fen is hard to read as it is. 

“I think you bruised my buttcheeks.” He snorts and covers his mouth in surprise. I hop up and laugh. “Did you seriously just snort?” I burst out laughing and he shoves me off the bed. 

“You are imagining things. Where is the bathroom?” I snicker and point to the corner of the room. It was a shared bedroom with the twins at one point. He limps over towards the bathroom and turns around. 

“You coming?” I chuckle and scratch my beard. 

“I already did.” He shakes his head with a smile and walks in. I get to my feet and follow him.

He’ll need a new pair of boxers, or a dry pair anyway. He closes the door and slips out of them and I think I choke on my tongue. Fen, fully naked and exposed…still somewhat hard and standing in a very VERY tiny bathroom with me. I’m still hard, but I’m also a big guy…Takes a lot to get me fully erect anyway going back down could take thirty minutes to an hour…and he isn’t helping. 

“Uh…Is this alright? You seem troubled?” I cough and turn towards the tub.

“No… its fine…Just new and not helping the arousal.” I feel his hands around my waist and the heat of his skin against my back. I shiver. 

“May I see you?” My heart is beating a mile a minute. I’ve had girlfriends in the past; in Lothering, who saw my…girth and ran for the hills…What if he sees me know and decides I’m a freak of nature? 

He peeks around and smiles. 

“I can hear your heart freaking out Garrett…What’s wrong?” I fiddle with my hands before placing them over his slender tattooed fingers. 

“Promise me something first?” He chuckles. 

“You make it sound as if it is deformed in some way, What is on your mind?” I turn towards him and he looks up at me, full attention, he’s not joking around. 

“I am…a big guy…” He smirks and his expressions reads ‘Well duh. I grumble. “Just…Don’t be afraid…I would never hurt you. If I ever did, I’d send myself to the Void. I’ve had people take one look at me and leave…I don’t want that.” It broke my heart then too, with Fen…It would shatter my existence.

He puts his hands on my hips and smiles.

“Garrett, Let me see.” He pulls at the hem of my briefs and peeks. “Oh look at you. How normal for your size.” He looks up and lightly kisses my chest or what he can reach anyway. 

“I’m not afraid of your anatomy Garrett, Okay?” I nod and tug my briefs down and kick them off into a corner while he hops towards the shower.

From touching to looking at each other’s cocks…Well…and now a shower!

At mothers house….I need to make a list of how relationships are supposed to go at some point. 

~

Fen is relatively quiet as he stands in the stream of water. I stand like a tree behind him, supporting him as he washes his hair. The dark patch of hair on the nape of his neck is not dyed, its his actual hair color. He said something about a reaction to ink, it bleached him. The markings on his back seem to gleam in the water. I want to touch them, to pamper them…these are not normal tattoos. They are brands. 

“Do they hurt?” he blinks water from his eyes and slicks back his hair before looking over his shoulder. 

“You mean the markings?” I nod and slide the flat of my hand over his shoulder, slicking water across the elegant swirls. He turns towards me, weary not to crush my foot with his cast.

“The memory lingers, if that is what you are asking. From time to time, I get nightmares.” I think I make a face because he reaches up to mess with my beard. “More so they itch…They never healed right. My punishment…But it is the past.” 

I want to know about it, all of it, but…how can you ask something like that? I lean down and hug him to my chest. He tucks his head against my arm and sighs. He mumbles something, it sounds to be from a different language. 

“Was that…?” He doesn’t answer, I think he actually fell asleep, until he pulls back enough to tap my chest.

“I need my pain meds…not that touching eachother and now a soothing shower didn’t help…but I could use some rest. Are we going to stay here?” 

I shake my head and quickly wash my hair.

“No, If they are following us I don’t want my Mother involved. We’ll head back home.” He smiles.

“Home?” I cough and rinse my hair. Yeah, Home. I help him dry off and find him some of Carvers old boxers left over for guests. I dry my hair as I go snag his pills from the truck. 

“Garrett, sweetheart.” Mother is blocking the way and I instantly go beat red. 

“You…noticed didn’t you?” She crosses her arms and smiles. 

“Of course I did, you two are just so infatuated with each other you don’t even realize your giving off little fluffy hearts every time you look at one another.” 

She unfolds her arms. 

“Just be careful dear. Fen is a good kid, but he hides a lot of his feelings. I don’t want you to leave brokenhearted.” I smile and give her a soft hug.

“I know, I trust him and I have to protect him.” She pats my back and laughs.

“Just like your father. I put the box in his truck, its hidden under the seat, you guys be safe when you leave.” I nod and walk out to the truck. I hid his meds in the glove box.   
The sky rumbles and I can feel a chill in the wind. More rain, as always. Whatever happens now, it’ll be a fight for life. Dan wont let Fen be…and Fen won’t run away. I look under the seat and see the familiar box tucked away.

Life or death. 

Fen or Dan. 

Me or him.

There will be no going back.


	17. Chapter 17

I trot back up to the house to be greeted by a wet Fen sitting and chatting with my mother in the living room. He’s talking about the night he ran into me and explains it far better than I ever would have tried. The time, the day, and the conversations. I think he’s a living breathing notebook. As I close the door he turns to look over his shoulder.   
“Ah, well I suppose it’s time for us to get going then?” I place the little bottle of meds in his palm and help him up. 

“Take those first, they might make you a tad bit drowsy but the ride home should allow you to rest up a bit. I’ll snag us some food to pass the time of you drooling on your seats.” He chuckles and limps towards the kitchen. 

“Such a smart young man…Are you guys going straight to your apartment?” I nod and sit heavily on the couch.

“I have a favor to ask mom.” She smiles and sips her tea. 

“Of course dear, what is it? Do you need advice?” I shake my hands before me. 

“What? No! No…I…I need you to promise me something.” The humor drained from her face. 

“Garrett, what is it? What’s wrong?” 

Promise me something…Dad’s final words…or rather the last words he uttered in the hospital. Those words are never to be muttered unless it is serious. Even now those words burn my lips. I stand up and grab her hands in mine. 

“Fen is in trouble…we are being followed.” She nods and leans in closer, peering towards the kitchen. 

“His leg…?” I nod. 

“They snuck up on him late one night…and beat him near death. Just today, I crushed the hand of one of the goons and gave them fair warning.” She holds my hands tighter. I look down and force myself to say the rest. 

“There is a high probability they will come for you. I want you to go to Uncle Gamlen’s place for a few weeks. Just until they get the message that I’m not going anywhere…please?”

Her delicate fingers reach beneath my chin and tilt my head up to look her in the eyes. 

“Sweetheart, are you sure? That is a big responsibility, are you prepared for what you might have to do?” I hear a soft chuckle and snap my head to the side. Fen is standing in the kitchen doorway. 

“He has shown great courage despite my neglecting to tell him of my past…I regret getting you involved, Garrett.” He looks to mother and smiles. “I will do all I must to keep them at bay, I will not allow your son to be harmed because of me. It would…shatter my resolve.” Fen just confessed that he would be heartbroken if anything happened to me…Fen just confessed something far deeper than I have ever said to him.

He limps over towards us and staggers and I’m instantly on my feet and making my way over to him. He catches himself before he falls, and chuckles. 

“I should not insist on walking.” I help him over to the couch and sit him down. 

“No, you shouldn’t. Anderson will be angry with me, not you, when he finds out what I’ve allowed you to do.” I scratch my beard. 

“Come to think of it, your check up is later this week. No more walking around for you.” He grumbles and reaches for me. 

“Then carry me, oh Champion. We should probably be on our way.” He turns towards mother. “It was a pleasure as always, Leandra. I hope to be done with the camero as soon as my leg is…functional. ” she smiles and stands up. 

“Let me give you boys something first, wait here.” She goes back to the kitchen and comes back carrying a jar filled with something. “Have a cup of this before you go to bed and it should help with your leg and Garrett’s usual muscle pains.” I know what it is as soon as I see the label. Tevinter spice tea, the same tea that made Fen and I…well.

I clear my throat and take the jar from her. “Thank you, I’ll be sure we drink it. This was dad’s right?” She nods and gives a small little laugh.

“You guys really seemed to like it. I figured it would be more valuable in your hands than in mine.”I think Fen catches on to her then, because he cocks his head to the side with a small smirk. 

She knows, I would even put money on it that she planned to use that tea. He chuckles and looks up at me.

“Well then, shall we leave? I think I want some tea for tonight.” I flush and clear my throat, bending down to pick him up. 

“Onward mighty champion!” okay, his drugs are definitely effective.


	18. Chapter 18

As expected he zonks out on the way to his place. His back curled with his head leaning uncomfortably against the door. I want to pull him towards me, but my brain refuses to let me take that leap without regret. What if he wakes up? What if he pushes me away?

But in the very back, whispering beneath the loud chatter of doubt is a small voice saying ‘Just do it.’ 

“Fen?” He gives a slight grunt before slightly opening one eye. 

“Mhm? I motion to my lap. 

“I-Uh…Don’t mind if you use me as a pillow. You are going to…uhm…hurt your neck sleeping like that.” He blinks lazily before plopping his head against my lap. 

“hmn…my thanks…” And then he’s out like a light again. 

I pull onto the highway towards the coast. I’m still worried about going to his place. Maker knows if they’ve gone back to see if he’s there or worse if they are camping out in that house. 

He rolls his shoulders and tucks further into my lap. I reach down and lightly place my hand on his neck, stroking his jaw with my thumb. He smiles in his sleep and tucks one arm beneath my leg. Frankly I’m glad his truck is so big, we’d never achieve this in the camero…or any vehicle except this one. He’s looks so relaxed when he sleeps. The creases in his brow disappear and he smiles or rather it seems like a smile is always on his sleeping face. I wonder what he dreams of. Old days in Tevinter? I wonder what Fen was like before…all this.

He shifts his leg and groans. Its tucked against the door and its clearly bothering him more so than ever. Maybe I should go see Anderson…early visit just to make sure our…uh…time together hasn’t caused any strain. I grip the steering wheel as a gust of wind shakes the cab. 

“Have to get your things first…Then I’ll worry about something else.” He twitches slightly and tilts his head. 

“Did you…say something?” I smooth back his hair. His eyes aren’t even open. 

“No Fen, Go to sleep.” He hums and tucks back into my lap. I almost miss the off ramp because he keeps burrowing and he’s getting really close to my manly bits. 

The familiar dirt road had been washed out due to the recent storms, I bet by the time the next storm is over with it’ll be inaccessible for a few weeks. No matter. He can stay as long as he wants. I see his mansion over the tree line, desolate and abandoned, just as it was left. A few lights are on in the garage, never turned off due to my panic. Maker it’s been a week already. I…wonder if the rain washed the blood away. I park in the street, blocking off the driveway. 

Just in case we get any visitors. I let the truck idle as I reach beneath the seat for the familiar black case. Fen doesn’t approve of that movement and opens his eyes. I’m practically folded over him trying to reach. He smiles and places a lazy kiss to my chin. I laugh and finally pull the box free. 

“Would you stop that, I’m trying to be a badass here. What do you need from the house?” He grunts and sits up, scratching a hand through his hair. 

“Just clothes mainly.” He snaps like he remembers something. 

“Take me with you, there’s something I have to retrieve.”

I had planned to leave him in the truck, so much for that idea. I pick him up and snag the pistol from the box, putting it in the hem of my pants. Very unsafe, but I don’t have a holster yet. I get to the front door and notice there’s a letter jammed in the frame. I grab it and put it in my pocket before turning the knob and making my way inside. He squirms a bit so I let him down. “I’ll be back, need to get something from the cellar.” He hops down the hall as I walk around searching for his room. Ended up being on the second floor near another batch of stairs. If I took the time to fully explore this place I bet I’d find secret passages. His room is mostly empty. No posters, little furniture and a bed. Clearly this place is not even a home. 

But has Fen truly ever had a place to call home?

I find a suitcase in his closet and I fill it to the brim with all his clothes. Not much, sadly, but enough that he can wear something different each day from a week. As I turn to leave, I find a small book tucked away by his mattress. Between the cushions. Hidden but not from sight. I put down the suitcase and carefully pull it free. It’s an old looking book. The hardback covering completely dissolved and there is no sign of a title. I flip it over and notice intricate little details on the back, formed into the cover itself. 

It looks important, no harm in taking it with me. I don’t put it in the suitcase, I carry it in my one free hand as I make my way downstairs. Fen is waiting with a large bottle in his hand. I hold up the book and I think the color goes out of his face.

“Where did you find that?” He hops over and I hand it to him. 

“I’m sorry, it looked important…should I…put it back?” He looks up at me and blinks. 

“I…no…I just haven’t seen this is ages…It was my mothers.” He slides his hand across the binding and smirks. 

“This was the only thing I grew up with. A raggedy old book about the laws of Tevinter…More like learn Arcanum or else.” I snap my fingers.

“That’s what I heard! Arcanum, In the shower!” He flushes and coughs. 

“I…Well…yes. It’s my mother language?” I smile, all giddy now. 

“Say something!” He cocks an eyebrow and snorts. 

“Right now? Like on command?” I nod and put down the suitcase, giving him all my attention. 

He looks away with a smile on his face, scratching his chin.

“Uh… _Venhedis ___?” Maker the accent sounds dangerous. If anyone shouted that at me I’d take pause.

“What does that mean?” He chuckles and tucks the book away in his arm.

“It’s a curse in my tongue, gibberish in yours.” He walks out the door and I snag everything and follow him out. 

“That didn’t explain what it meant!” I stops and turns around, touching my cheek. 

“ _Quaeris nimium ___.” Maker he’s looking through me.

“W-what did that mean?” he smiles and gives me a careful kiss. 

“You ask too many questions…I’ll explain when we return home. We should get out of here.” 

I nod and help him back into the cab, glancing over to the garage to see the camero sitting in all its rusty splendor. 

“Give me a moment.” I trot over and close the garage door, slamming on the lock dangling from the garage latch. That will keep his tools safe at least. No one will be able to move that camero without a dump truck. It doesn’t matter to me, it matters to Fen. 

I hop back into the cab and slowly pull away from his mansion, an empty shell of house. No attachment there, just ghosts. He plops back onto my lap and caringly strokes my knee through my jeans. 

“Thank you Garrett.” I rub the nape of his neck, where black still stands against the bleaching white that has dominated his hair. 

“Anything for you Fen. Try to get some rest, we’ll be home soon.” He nods off as I get back to the highway. Its dark now, except for distant lightning near the coast. I lean over and turn on the radio, time to go home and enjoy another night sleeping with my rugged mechanic.


	19. Chapter 19

I put him to bed and slump around the house for a bit. Read a few chapters of The Chronicles of the Raven before finally turning in. Fen had wiggled himself under my mountainous amount of pillows. I can only see his back and his cast in the dim light. He shifts as I sit on the edge of the mattress. I pull my socks free with a heavy sigh. I jump as tattooed arms wrapped tightly around my waist and the wet warmth of lips against my spine. I turn slightly to see those emerald eyes heavy lidded. He is so tired, and doped…mainly doped. 

“Hello Fen, you should be sleeping.” He chuckles softly, placing another lazy kiss to my back. 

“I don’t…want to sleep. Fuck…You smell good.” I laugh and roll over him and tuck him beneath me. 

“Sleep Fen, Sleep.” 

He runs his fingers across my chest, dipping lower until I catch his hand.  
“Oh, aren’t you touchy tonight, are you sure you want to do this while you’re doped? I think that’s illegal on my part.” He gives a short, exhausted little laugh before trailing soft kisses across my collarbone. I groan and push him into the mattress. 

“Fen.” I think he senses the warning because he stops.

He tugs me close and wraps his arms securely around my neck. 

“Sorry. I’ll wait.” I don’t think it’s a wait issue, it’s a you’re high as fuck issue. Maker I could go right now but I wouldn’t feel right about it. Its taking advantage of him…no, not till he is back to good ol’ broodybutt Fen. I roll off of him and I hear his disapproval. 

“Come here.” He gives a cheeky grin before rolling into my chest. I give him a slow kiss, sucking on his bottom lip as my hands settle on his back. I can feel his muscles shift, so much power in such a lithe frame. He groans as I pull back. 

“If you still feel this way by morning…we will go from there, okay? Get off that high of yours.” He growls but smiles. 

“You torture me.” I laugh and kick under the covers, weary of his cast. 

“It’s how I show affection.” He rolls his eyes before tucking his head beneath my chin, he likes to sleep that way. He’s warm and solid against me and I finally dose off.

I don’t dream much, if I do its forgotten instantly. Something about a three headed horse? I don’t even know. What I do know…is that I feel strange. My body is hot and I feel restless. I cant sleep like this. What is on my chest. I crack my eyes open in the darkness to see a plum of white hair in my line of vision. He’s definitely awake, I can see his eyelashes move as he blinks. My shirt is bunched around my neck, leaving my chest and stomach exposed to the chilled air of my condo. I take a deep breath and he looks up. 

I blink down at him and he looks away. 

“You…you were overheating…and breathing heavily. I did not mean to wake you.” The shirt is practically choking me, so I pull it over my head and throw it on the ground. 

“I get that way at times. Ferelden blood y’know.” He cocks his head to the side. 

“That is truly a thing? Ferelden blood burns hotter than most?” I push down my pants and kick them off the side of the bed. 

“Either that or its just how my body is, but my mother and Father both speak of it as if all Ferelden’s have it. Its not a bad thing, we are used to colder climates, but once we get into a place like Kirkwall…maker it gets unbearable. I usually thrash out of my clothes.” His eyes skim across my chest and he places a hand across the large patch of hair there. He weaves his fingers through it and I smile. 

“That is a Hawke gene though; the hair. I think I popped out with copious amounts of body hair. Keeps me warm on cold nights, tries to kill me on others.” He wiggles his fingers slightly.

“Why don’t you just cut it off? If it burdens you.” I chuckle and pat his hand. 

“That’s like trying to tame a beast, if I cut the hair it comes back twice as full. Bad idea!” I turn towards him and gently grasp his chin. “Tell me something about yourself.” He smiles and ducks down to kiss my palm. 

“Anything in particular or do you just want me to talk?” I hum and sit up on my elbow. 

“Talk. I like hearing you talk.”

He hums softly before rubbing at his neck. 

“There is not much to add to what I’ve already told, but I can dig deeper into the details. I was saved by an orphanage when I was young. I think they found me in an old burnt out house…I cant remember. They taught me about religion and I’ll be honest…I feel into that trap. I don’t even think it was a true religion, if so it was taught to make you feel as if you were a slave to those above you.” He makes a noise in his throat and shrugs. 

“The Qun is one hell of a thing, but it is not something that can be adapted to, you have to be born into it to become anything, or give all the money in your pocket.” He leans back against the headboard and folds his hand elegantly across his stomach. 

“Even then, I stayed, until I was greeted by a devil in disguise.” I lean into my hand. 

“The day you met Dan?” He nods and twiddles his thumbs. 

“Technically they treated it like an adoption; I was already a teenager by that time, hated the world and wanted to destroy things, the usual.” He’s getting nervous, I can see the muscles of his arm twitching. I poke one large line of ink and he looks down at me like I’m weird. 

“I’m distracting you…continue.” He clears his throat and I go back to mapping out the white lines across his arm. 

“If you keep doing that I may stop talking just to return the favor.” His thumb slides across the deepest scar on my face. 

“Perhaps I will delve deeper another time. I hold you to what you said before Garrett.” He leans in and places a soft kiss to my forehead. “I still feel the same as I did while under the influence of my pain pills…the question is…do you?”


	20. Chapter 20

I gently pull him closer, looping my arm around his waist. I place a soft kiss against his hip before following a thick line of ink up his side with my tongue. He gives a growl, weaving his hand into my hair. I don’t know how far he wants to go or how far I’ll be able to go, but he needs it…and so do I. Its been so long since I’ve had someone to comfort, to love and to just gush over, no matter how much he despises being taken care of. Its like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He pulls slightly at my hair directing me upward. I smooth my hands over his chest and lightly brush my fingers over his nipples. He twitches at that, but doesn’t make any noise. All I hear is the harsh breathing between us. 

I kiss the dip between his collarbones as I slide my hands down his toned waist. Maker if this is going to happen now, I need it to be perfect. I don’t want to ruin this, he doesn’t either, but…its been so long. Granted I do pleasure myself from time to time, but my tolerance for sex…is shady. I’m more likely to pass out from lack of blood flow than finish off early. 

“Hawke.” I cough and continue on, he’s not rushing, but no doubt it gets awkward when the big bear of a man lying on top of you freezes to think. Yeah, no doubt. I pull slightly at the hem of his briefs before looking up at him. He’s beautiful. Dark skin split only by a brilliant white that flows across muscle. He leans back and nods. I run my tongue across his stomach, tasting sweat and Fen. He tastes like spice and soap. My hands work down his legs, carefully cradling his injured leg while pulling the other around my waist. I snake a free arm under his back and pull him close enough that he basically half rested on my lap. 

He chuckles and squirms against my hold. Does he realize he’s rubbing me against his butt? He has to…it’s like a lamppost is in my trousers. I lean over him and pull him into a harsh kiss, he makes a little noise in his throat before grabbing chunks of my hair and returning the kiss in earnest. I roll my hips and he groans into the kiss. It’s a mix of tongues and lovebites, I cant get enough of this man. He rubs his hands across my back, urging me forward. 

The pace slows down and I set a steady rhythm of thrusts, rubbing us together just enough to cause a gasp when we made contact. I lift myself up and focus on the friction. We are both hard and I am already dripping, that’s usual though. He looks so beautiful splayed out beneath me with heavy lidded eyes that burned through me as we made eye contact. He gives a smile before propping himself up. 

“You look at me as if I’m a treasure, Hawke.” I hum and cup his jaw. 

“You are.” He’s taken off guard by it but quickly busies himself with me. He bites my shoulder before sucking on the flesh. Marking is a better word for it. I moan deep in my throat and still my hips. 

“I’m going to pass out at this rate…ah…” he chuckles and nibbles on my ear. 

“Does that happen often?” I groan and rub his sides. 

“Only when such activities are drawn out, Too much blood to one place…Fen. I…uh…d-don’t know what to do now…” He smiles and pushes at my chest. 

“Allow me.”

Fen is a pro at foreplay, that’s all I’m saying. My mindless humping fit is nothing compared to what he does. He tugs my briefs down enough just to have me exposed to the air before pulling me into his mouth. I moan loud enough that he stops and asks if I’ve ever even had someone do that before, I don’t answer so he returns to my cock. He can’t take me very deep, too big, but maker the things he’s doing with his tongue is enough to make me come. I don’t, I do have manners. I pull at his hair.

“F-Fen, stop.” He pulls off with a slick pop before licking his lips. 

“Close?” My legs are trembling. I nod and reach for him. 

“Will you allow me something?” He chuckles and Maker it goes straight to my cock. 

“What do you have in mind?” I reach with shaky hands to the hem of his briefs and he allows me to slip a hand against his cock. I cup his balls in my palm and he moans. 

“I…want to try something, Lay with me.” We fall back to the mattress and I spoon behind him, damn this height difference. He twists slightly to look at me. 

“No…penetration okay? Not yet…” I nod and fumble with his leg, lifting it enough that I can slide my cock between his thighs. He squeezes it between his legs with a smile before pushing back against me. I hiss and grab his hips.

“N-need lubrication or something…ouch.” He nods and licks his palm, which is not helping, before stroking me between his legs. I’m rolling my hips without any control, the need to reach release is almost unbearable. He lets go of my cock and I push forward gently, rubbing against but no penetrating, but against and he groans. I reach around and carefully hold his cock in my palm. 

“May I?” He laughs and kisses me. 

“You’re so cute with your questions…I trust you.” That makes my eyes sting. I tuck into his shoulder as I time my thrusts with my hand. He’s not very loud but every now and again his body would snap up to meet my hand. 

“Fuck…Garrett…how long will you torment me?” He’s laughing but its breathless. He reaches back and pulls me completely against him. In the lowest, growling voice, he tells me to come. And Maker do I. I snap my hips forward and spill myself between his muscular tattooed thighs, while mimicking the action around his cock. He snarls harshly before coming in my hand. He falls limp against me and I’m already a puddle of Garrett juice, giddy Garrett juice. 

“I…am going…to pass out now…” I can already feel my legs going numb. He doesn’t move, nor do I, I don’t think I can. I lazily stroke his softening cock before he makes a pitiful sound in his throat and holds my wrist. 

Sensitive. I don’t remove my hand though he doesn’t make me, and I love the feel of his cock in my hand. I hold him close and kiss his shoulder. I think he fell asleep…How adorable. 

“Thank you Fen…for everything.” He shifts slightly and rolls over, into me. He pretty much just burrows into my chest, enough so I can fold around him in a protective embrace. I tug the blankets from underneath us and drape them over us both. 

“Sleep well…Garrett.”

I hum and kiss the top of his head. 

~  
Sleeping together naked and sated is great and all, the sunder kicks to the groin are not. I wake up to Fen thrashing about, alarmingly so. “Fen!” I grab his shoulders and pin his arms. 

“Love, wake up!” His expression is one of pain and fear, one I have never seen on him before. Fen, sweetheart, what are you remembering? He stills but he begins to tremble. I pull him against me and try my best to sooth him. 

“Its okay Fen…it’s okay.” His fingers clutch at my shoulders, holding on for dear life. 

“They…they are coming for me…” His voice is so small, so scared. 

“No they aren’t, not while I’m here Fen. I’m not going anywhere.” I’m not sure if he is awake, he may be talking in his sleep. 

No one will hurt you Fen, No one will even get close.

I will protect you with my life.

“I swear it.”


	21. Chapter 21

Its amazing how quickly a few weeks go by when you enjoy the time with someone you care for. Fen’s leg is almost fully healed; we are heading towards the hospital now so he can get the support bars removed. He’ll be put in a brace for a while but he will be able to sleep without it. He hates the cast, he says is itchy beyond belief and he was always afraid it was scratching me while we slept. It did, but it didn’t really bother me.  
“So surgery again, You’re not going to punch me when you wake up this time are you?” He chuckles and folds his arms across his lap.

“Perhaps, are you going to hover over me again?” The radio is on the lowest setting, filling in the silent drive. Fen looks so much better now, his skin is clear and lively and I’ve made him eat a lot more than he’s used to, but he’s still fit. I don’t know how he does it, I think he does pushups when I sleep.

I rest my hand on the armrest between us and he shyly touches my hand. We’ve been doing…whatever this is…for almost a month. I haven’t asked him what he thinks yet…or rather what he thinks we are doing. I think we are dating, but I don’t want to tag it as that, that has a lot of things to go with it, relationship wise. I like this.

Whatever it is.

Anderson greets us both and pesters Fen about walking about with heavy feet. He responds with a roll of his eyes.

“Truly, how do you put up with such a moody man?” Fen is in surgery now, leaving me and Anders sitting about the lobby drinking bad coffee from the waiting room.

“He’s not moody. He just doesn’t like Hospitals.” Anders unties his hair and combs through the thick strands.

“I looked up his background information, he literally has nothing. No birth certificate, no next of kin; other than you, and no history. The guy is a blank slate.” He tugs his hair into a ponytail, giving me a side eye.

“That doesn’t bother you at all?”

I shrug and sip my bitter coffee. No sugar was around, only old creamer.

“I trust him, He’s told me enough. I don’t want to get him flustered about his past.” Anders leans in and folds his hands.

“That bad, huh? I figured as much, the guy is covered in old fractures and scars. This is probably the first time he’s ever been treated at a true hospital.” He claps his hands softly.

“So, you guys are…?” I feel my face heat up before I down the rest of my coffee.

“It is…uh…h-hard to explain.” He laughs and leans back.

“You got it bad! In all my years of knowing you, I’ve never seen you so lovable over a broody man. Well any man in general! You guys are playing safe right?” I cough and lower my head.

“Eh…uhm…We haven’t g-gotten that far…just kinda…” I rub my hands together and he snorts.

“Oh you are so love struck it’s not even funny.”

I fiddle with my hands. He smirks and hands me another coffee.

“Does he feel the same way?” I feel that anxiety in my chest, surrounding my heart and squeezing.

“I…I don’t know. He acts like he does…b-but I’m afraid to ask for anymore than he’s already given. He will not be tied down to one thing, its not in his nature.” He shakes his head and sighs.

“You need to find out Gare, you’re a big boy now. Don’t give out all your love for someone who doesn’t appreciate it.”

I was going to argue that but Anders’ pager goes off.

“Oops, Have to get back to work big G, Fen should be out in thirty minutes or so.” I wave goodbye as he scurries off to another hall. Way to leave me with an anxiety attack you bastard. He has a point, I suppose. Yet, Fen and I have been intimate. He wouldn’t just lay with anyone…Even if he did…

“Mr. Hawke?” A scrawny little woman makes her way over to me, dressed in full doctor garb. I stand up and she steps back.

“Oh, by the dread wolf! You’re a big one!” she is skittish and rather cute. She must be new; I’ve never seen her here before. She covers her mouth.

“Oh pardon me, my mouth wanders, are you here with Mr. Fenris?” I nod and put down my coffee to shake her hand, she seems amazed at my size and she definitely isn’t hiding it.

“Garrett Hawke and you are?”

She eagerly shakes my hand.

“Merrill! I’m a physician here under Anderson. Fen was in a little scrape?” I shrug and let go of her hand.

“Something like that. He got hurt working on a car.” I can’t lie as good as Fen about this, but she seems to buy it.

“Well, the anesthesia is wearing off so he should be up and about very soon, with any luck, you’ll be able to take him home in an hour.” I nod with a smile.

“Good. Good. Did he behave? Last time he had a reaction.” She laughs.

“He was a bit vocal and mouthy, but yes he did fine once he actually passed out.” That sounds about right. Except when he sees me and he turns into a broody sex canon.

She looks to her pager at her hip, clipped snuggly to her scrubs.

“Oh! He’s ready now, I have to help him get dressed and ready to go. Give me one moment.” She scurries off and I’m once more left with bitter coffee and dragging thoughts. They will pass just as everything does, but I need to know. Maybe over dinner I’ll break the ice.

The double doors open and Fen limps out and pass me, The doctors are trying to catch him but before I know it he’s in the parking garage and I’m running after him. When I catch up to him he’s snoozing in the back of the pickup, how did he even get up there? I’m laughing way to hard, I cant help it. Doped up Fen is the best thing. I poke his noise and he scrunches up his face.

“Uh…my head…” he sits up and rubs his eyes.

“Where in the hell am I? Did you put me back here Hawke?” So accusatory! I snort and help him out of the back.

“I’m afraid that ones on you, you sure do run fast when you’re doped. I almost didn’t catch you.” He looks so tired and the way he rubs at his eyes is beyond adorable.

I help him into the passenger seat and buckle him down. I jump as his fingers rest at the back of my neck.

“You seem…odd. I…apologize for making you worry.” I lightly kiss his forehead.

“Its alright Fen. You want some food?” He smiles and releases me.

“That. Sounds lovely.”


	22. Chapter 22

Winter has swept into Kirkwall in full storm. The air almost hurts as it touches the back of your throat, like little prickles. I’m not bothered by it as much as the others but that can be contributed to my over the top body temperature. Fen is doing better, he limps still but the doctors said that’s normal along with the ghost pains he gets while he tries to sleep. He’s busy most days working on the camaro which we had moved to my condo’s tiny but suitable garage. 

He’s made a lot of process. The body still looks rough but hey, that’s usually the last part you finish anyway. The car itself, the inner workings of the engine, are almost pristine. He’s cleaned up all the rust and grunge building up on the pistons and replaced whatever he couldn't salvage. It’s going great. I myself have picked up a part time job as a designer for a small T-shirt business. Just something to bring in some money for weekends. Fen makes quite a bit as a mechanic, he juggles that with me, but lately I have seen less and less of him. Not his fault, I work late shifts except for the lucky morning shift on weekends, and I can feel something strain. 

I don’t want him to feel as if he can’t be with me, this job is a curse, but luckily its only for a few months. That’s why tonight; I have something special planned for the both of us. I took the night off to get it all set up.

I pass fen in the garage on my way out and he perks up. 

“Where are you going?” I bend under the door way and shuffle my way over to him. He’s sitting down to rest his leg, I told him to do that.

“I need to go to the store, will you be okay here?” He moves to stand. 

“Oh, let me go with you.” I put my hand on his shoulder and he pauses. 

“No, It’s a surprise. Why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll be back shortly.” I give him a soft kiss to the cheek before lumbering my way back out. I make my way to the truck and hop in. 

“A surprise huh?” Maker’s balls he’s quick. I laugh and rub at my neck. 

“Uh…yeah. I know we…don’t get a lot of time together lately. I want to fix that. So, it’s a surprise.” He pulls himself up to my level in the cab and runs his thumb across my bearded chin. He kisses me softly, and it’s a true kiss, one we haven’t shared in weeks. His lips are so soft…everything about him is soft. He’s holding himself up with those powerful arms. He pulls back slightly.

“I’ll be waiting.”

I drive to the local market, just a neighborhood Dillons. I could go to Target, but that is further away and a bit more expensive. I park the massive diesel truck as far away from the rest of the cars as I can, but the place is bustling as always. I’m not getting anything over the top fancy for tonight; some good red wine and an A class dinner made by yours truly. That involves a lot of meat and potatoes, maybe some carrots. Maybe. Not huge on veggies, we Hawkes are almost strictly carnivores. I plan on making a smoked honey ham tonight with little pineapples.

Lots of little pineapples.

Lots.

I lumber about the aisles, picking up random cans of food that sound good today but probably sound gross when I’m hungry later, when something catches my eye.

A slender fellow at the end of my aisle, wearing a leather jacket and dark jeans. He looks like a biker except he’s small and petite. Not a muscle head. He looks up as I reach for a can of beans. His eyes are golden and striking. He must not be from here, no Kirkwall commoner looks like that. 

“Oh excuse me, am I in your way?” That accent…definitely not from here. I smile and grab the can. 

“Not at all, my apologies.” His hair is almost the same color as his eyes and he has one devilish smirk, why is he smirking? Did I say something funny?

“My my, you are a large one aren’t you?” slender fingers slide against his jaw and I can see distinctive tattoos on his face. 

“You are…Hawke are you not?”

Ding ding, red flag. I straighten and he steps back slightly. 

“I assure you, I am no threat, But I know who is. This treasure you found…it has hunters yes?” I look around, suddenly very aware of where we are, a very packed store with Maker knows who. 

“Who are you and how do you know this?” he gives a slight bow and chuckles. 

“Zev at your service, you can say I have a knack for digging up the truth. I assure you I am here to provide help not hindrance. This uh…treasure, the man with the tattoos, his Master paid me a great sum to come find you.” I snarl and he jumps back.

“He has no master. He belongs to no one!” He waves his hand and tucks a misplaced strand of hair over his ear. 

“Now now, what did I say? I am not here to take him, I am here to warn you.”His face sets and the ferocity in his eyes send a shiver down my spine. 

“The man is very dangerous, I've dealt with him in the past and when he wants something he will get it. I can offer you protection but I can’t say the same for your friend.” It takes me off guard really. 

“Wait, you’re a cop?” He chuckles and digs about his jacket, pulling out his wallet. 

“I am a special form of authority, yes. I am a part of the Crows; special forces.” He flips his wallet open and reveals his badge. 

“My offer still stands. This will get worse before it gets better.” He hands me a car and I hesitantly take it. 

“I..uh…thanks. Did you…follow me here?” He chuckles. 

“To be honest dear Hawke, I've had my eyes on you both since Anderson called me to the Hospital that night he got attacked, So yes. For your protection of course.” He points to the card and moves to the side. 

“Call if there is trouble, or if you want to chat, I enjoy speaking with such handsome men.” He walks away and leaves me completely and utterly flustered. 

What the hell.

I need to get back to Fen.


	23. Chapter 23

I don’t notice any tails as I drive home but that doesn't mean they aren't there. Zev said they've been watching since the hospital and that Dan hired him. Why would Dan employ a ‘dirty cop’? This isn't a relaxing thought. If he can try and believe that he bribed a cop, who else does he have in his wallet? 

Well…it is good to know we have someone looking out for us at least. 

I push open the door to my condo and am immediately greeted by a very excited Brakkar. He sniffs about the bags I’m holding and I have to push him away with my foot. “This is not for you, Go eat your fancy dog food.”

I can hear Fen’s feet patter against the wooden planks of the floor. When he comes into view he’s eagerly brushing his teeth. His hair is damp; he must have taken a shower while I was gone. I shift the bags in my arms and carefully place them on the kitchen counter. I feel a hand at my hip. 

“What did you get? This is much more than a simple shopping trip.” I dug about one of the paper bags and pulled out a large bottle of red wine. I place it in his hand and he smiles. “Oh, are you trying to woo me? I have to say, it’s working rather well.” 

I think we are far past wooing, I want to just have a night for us. No work, no trouble. Just Fen and I sitting or laying down talking about things. Maybe some slow leisurely kissing. I don’t want to rush what we have, but I want to be whole with him, to offer everything to him. 

He puts the bottle on the counter and gently pulls at my arm. “So, a date night huh?” I can feel my face flush. 

“I…well yes.” He chuckles and easily wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me down into a soft kiss. 

“You are adorable.” I let my hands rest on his hips. Its comfortable enough, My neck is a bit strained but no complaints.

“So tell me, Fen, What do you wish for me to do for you tonight?” He chuckles and rubs a hand over my shoulder. 

“How about we see where this goes…” That seems to be the general understanding if one of us wants something in a sexual sense, those are the words we say. I give a low hum in my throat and caress his cheeks with my thumbs. 

“As you wish.” 

I get to work cooking the honey ham and quickly throw it in the oven to heat it up to eat. Nothing super fancy. Fen busies himself by making mood lighting I suppose. He throws a few logs into the tiny hearth and makes a warm little fire for us to sit by. I made sure to rearrange the living room furniture with a new large rug so we could sit on that and sip fine wine as we watch tv. I’m a sucker for such things. 

I pour him a glass of red wine and sit down before the TV. He sits down beside me and gently takes the glass from me. 

“You spoil me. Food, drink…and fine company.” He sips the liquid and hums in his throat. “Wow…now that is good wine. Tevinter wine?” I give a sheepish smile and rub at the back of my neck. 

“I…well…You being from Tevinter, I wanted to get something special.” His face is blank as he puts the glass down and turns towards me. 

“Come here for a second.” I turn my body towards him and he expertly crawls into my lap. I don’t know what to do, I just sit there with my hands hovering over his hips as he tightly wraps his arms around my neck. 

A true hug. A comfortable hug that only Fen would be able to muster. 

I feel him smile against my throat. 

“Thank you Hawke. Truly.” I hold my hands against his back and chuckle. 

“You know, being with me you’ll be spoiled rotten.” He leans back into my hands. 

“Oh? I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing.”

We sit in silence for a bit, the fire warming our arms and shoulders as we watch TV. Discovery channel is doing their usual debunk of ancient ruins and such, interesting enough to look pass. I wonder if I should tell Fen about the encounter at the store. He deserves to know but I worry that he’ll become angry about being under surveillance by cops of all things. I open my mouth to tell him when he stands. 

“One moment, need to use the restroom.” The conversation dies in my throat and honestly I think its for the best, for now anyway. He returns in time for the Ham to be served and I give him a gracious amount with little pineapple slices on top. 

When he takes that first bite I can tell he loves it. 

“Good?” He nods and closes his eyes. 

“By the divines you are an amazing cook…self taught as well?” I shrug with a sheepish smile. 

“A big man has to eat.” He picks off one of the pineapples and smirks. 

“Sadly I am not fond of these…now apples…I like apples.” He moves to put it at the edge of his plate but I catch his wrist. I can feel him watching me as I take the fruit from his fingers with my lips and lick the digits clean. 

And by the maker am I blushing. I think I broke him, because when I pull back he is staring at me with this odd, stuck between emotions, blank expression. 

I feel as if I crossed a line. “I…uh…I’m s-sorry…” He blinks fast and lets out a soft whistle. 

“No, I wasn’t prepared for that…That was…” he lets out a little coo as he looks down at his plate. “Oh no, I appear to have another pineapple slice…” his eyes flick up to mine with a cheeky little grin. “Whatever shall I do with it?” I scoot closer to him and he holds the slice between the fingers of his right hand, while the other cups my jaw.

I’m careful not to bite his fingers, but that doesn’t mean I don’t suck them into my mouth. Just to clean. 

Truly. 

Okay I think it’s hot. 

And frankly, so does Fen. He has that look to him again, similar to when we were at Mothers to pick up the gun…the ferocity of those emerald eyes increases and he is tense. This is what I wanted tonight to be. A time we can enjoy each other without having to rush around or have chaste encounters. I want this to happen…I need to show him how much he means to me. 

And now I’m pinned to a rug…

He is way too strong to have such a little body. Of course he’s practically straddling my chest now like I’m some kind of backwards draft horse. His legs are so far apart its almost painful to look at.

Flexible bastard.

He starts slow, placing his hands against my broad chest and rubbing simple little circles with his palms. My shirt bundles up around his hands and he drags it up to my neck; not taking it off, but bunching it up.

He sets the pace and before I know it, my shirt is gone and he is down to nothing but his rugged jeans on. I think my brain separated from any cognitive thought because all I could think about was how this was going to go and how far it could go.

I mapped out his markings with my hands, across his chest and down his arms then softly down his thighs. My hips roll against him and he growls. I shift up on my elbows and squeeze his thighs with my hands. Fen chuckles and leans back rubbing a hand firmly against my jeans. 

It took everything for my cloudy lust filled mind to recognize the small laser dot resting on his chest. I snap forward and throw us both to the ground as my window explodes inward sending shards of glass to the floor. Pain rips through my shoulder as I shield Fen beneath me. I can hear shouting, and then the roar of an engine as someone peels away from the apartment.

Someone had just tried to kill Fen.

A sniper no less. 

“Hawke!” My ears are still ringing. I pull myself up and hiss as my shoulder burns. Fen grabs my shoulder his eyes wide. “By the gods you've been shot!” I grunt and place a hand over my seeping shoulder. 

“I think it just grazed me. I’m okay.” He scoffs and quickly grabs my discarded shirt from earlier and rips it to shreds. 

“That was my favorite shirt…” I mumble weakly. He wraps up my shoulder and applies a gentle pressure to the wound. He refuses to look me in the eye. I place a hand over his and he sneers at my shoulder. 

“You protected me…saved my life…” Gosh can he emphasize any more hatred into that sentence? I don’t think so.

“Fen.”  
He clenches his hand over mine almost painfully. “They caught me off guard again. I swore I would never let you get hurt. I have failed again.” 

“Fen.”

_“Venhedis fasta vas!”_

I grab him and he blinks up at me. I think the roughness of the grab startled him. I chide myself before easing my grip, rubbing the marks away. 

“Fen. I am fine, okay?” he looks down and I gently hold his hands. “If I wouldn’t have acted when I did…Fen you wouldn’t be alive. So what if I took a bullet? So what if I bleed a bit?” I rub my thumb across his knuckles feeling the rough scars beneath my fingers. “I will not rest easy until you are safe Fen. I promised you I would fight this fight with you.” I pull him to my chest and wrap my arms around his back. 

“I meant that Fen. Every damn word.” He sighs and slacks against me and I hold him tighter. “But I’m sensing we can’t do this by ourselves anymore. We need help.” 

And I know just who to ask.


	24. Chapter 24

Fen’s means of first aid was pretty good but I figure I’ll need stitches for the missing chunk of flesh out of my shoulder. He’s on his cell phone talking with one of his customers who has horrible timing and I quickly hop on mine. I pull a crunched up business card out of my pocket and quickly dial the number. 

Seems like eternity before a thick accent answers on the other end. 

“Ah Garrett, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.” He sounds like he was asleep and I feel a bit bad for waking him up. I clear my throat.

“Uh…Zev, right?” He hums in agreement on the other end. “I’ve just been shot.” I hear a thunk on the other line and his voice is instantly alert. 

“Where are you? Are you in the city limits?” 

“Yeah?” I can literally hear the smirk in his words. 

“Then my friend, we have something. They are not in their jurisdiction anymore. They made their way into my territory.” I can hear him rummaging through something. “It means that D’s goons are operating without his knowledge and brought weapons. Let me guess, they weren’t aiming at you.” I rub at my shoulder absently. 

“No, They had a sniper positioned outside of my apartment and had Fen in their sights.” I had always figured that Dan’s organization was one large group but if what Zev says is true, which I’m sure he is, it’s composed of many side groups of goons all operating under his arm but under different orders. 

Dan didn’t want Fen dead. He just wants him. 

“I’ll be over in a few moments. I’ll organize a few under covers to sit outside your place till I get there. Do you require medical attention?” I heave a sigh before consenting to an EMT to drop by as well. I hang up and walk back over to the shattered window. Glass was everywhere and I kick it into a small pile closer to the wall so Fen wouldn’t step in it. Knowing how he likes to walk around barefoot.

He looks bored with whoever he is talking to and rubs absently at his temple in annoyance. 

I sit next to him and he puts a hand on my knee. “Yes ma’am. Yes I have a certificate to be a mechanic. Yes I am responsible…yes. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay drop it off at the address. Yes, Drop it off.” 

He clicks his phone shut and growls under his breath. He’s holding the phone so tight I feel like he’s about to break it. 

“Problems?” he laughs weakly before getting to his feet. 

“Remember that old woman I told you about? Who thought I ran a chop shop but still uses my service? That was her, wants a new paint job for her piece of shit Buick.” He shakes his arms as I to relieve tension. “I don’t have time for it, I still have a camero to finish and goons at my back with guns.”

He smiles and points down to me. “You may want to put on a shirt.” I catch his hand and pull him close. “Nah, EMT is coming with our help. I’m more worried about you.” 

He kneels down in front of me and just sits there. I rub the back of his hand softly. “I can’t imagine how you feel right now Fen, If you got hurt instead of me, I’d probably be a raging bull right now.”He smirks but it holds no humor. I hate the look of his eyes like that, full of nothing but pent up emotion he has no idea how to deal with.   
I run a hand gently through his hair and he leans against my palm. “We are going to get him Fen, I promise.” 

I can hear the rumble of a large car pull up into the parking lot and I bend down to kiss Fen’s forehead. I get to my feet and peek outside the shattered window to see two large black SUV’s circling around the lot. 

“For undercover cops they sure don’t know how to be incognito. What’s the deal with the big SUVs for everything?” 

One of them parks beside Fen’s large tow truck and the ignition cuts off. Zev hops out of the driver side followed by about four other men armed to the teeth. Oh maker, incognito at its finest. 

“Help is here.” Fen hums and sits back on the couch, reclining back against one of the pillows. I let Zev and his armored cops in and they quickly scope out the tiny condo before positioning themselves at the front door and shattered window. 

Zev shakes my hand. “Good to see you again. Granted it is much sooner than I expected.” He peeks at my shoulder and sucks through his teeth. “High caliber sniper huh? Must have positioned himself across the road from the complex, they are getting bold.” He calls over one of his cops and the guy quickly pulls out a medical kit and tells me to sit down.  
Zev pulls up a chair in front of me and folds his hands together. “The very fact that they used lethal force means these goons aren’t listening to Dan’s plan. Could be they are competing to who can kill The Wolf.” The Wolf? That is the second time he has been called that. Once by that punk at the mall. Fen is still sketchy on his past and I know he wants to keep some things away from me.

“You mean Fen?” He blinks and that coy smirk comes back. 

“Ahh, he has not told you has he? This may be something for him to tell you instead of an undercover agent, yes?” I look back to the couch were Fen was zoned out on before turning back. 

“No, tell me please.” 

He shrugs and leans in closer. 

“You are in love with Dan’s first lieutenant. He was the one Dan used in fights and in many other illegal acts. Did he tell you he’s killed before?” I nod and I feel my hands shake.   
“I don’t tell you this to make you second guess him. He is a changed man since his escape and I believe he has blocked out his old life completely. But Dan wants him back for one reason and one reason only.”

He pulls out a picture from his pocket and hands it to me. It’s in horrible condition and covered in dirt and grime but I can tell who is in the photo. Fen next to some old guy, covered in blood and bruises and looking absolutely murderous. 

“He wants his killer back.”


	25. Chapter 25

I can’t feel much at the moment. I faintly remember the bullet wound on my shoulder being poked and prodded as the tech sewed me back up, but as for any other sensation, its seriously lacking. Zev is talking about Dan but all I can do is breathe. 

Fen was a killer. A bad one at that. He told me that could have happened that he would never look back on those memories, but to see it in a photograph…

The white Wolf; Dan’s personal executioner and playtoy. What type of sick methods did he use to make Fen do such things? 

Or…Did he do them willingly?

Zev is looking at me strangely now and I feel someone shake my shoulder lightly. The room is slow to respond to the motion.

Uh oh.

I crack my head on the floor and everything goes black.

~

I can hear screaming in the distance. I can smell the smoke in the air. A butterfly lies mangled at my feet. Kirkwall is on fire. The large buildings erupt in black flames. I can see people within those flames and they are a bright crimson. Like demons. 

I think I’m shouting for help for someone to do something. Save them, they are burning…but there is no one else. 

Except for him. 

Standing in the middle of the street a good hundred feet from me, is Fen. He’s crouched and even from that far away I can see the blood dripping from his hands. The look in his eyes makes me want to run like hell. The White Wolf has its eyes set on me. 

He stands up, slowly, like a predator hunting its prey. I curse myself and stand fast, this is Fen! His laugh takes me by surprise. 

“You knew it would come to this right? They all say the same in the end. As always, Dan gets what he wants.” He twirls a large blade in his hand as he steps towards me. “So tell me, does it hurt?” 

I tremble as he flicks the blood from the blade, I don’t know who it belongs too. My throat tightens as my fear tries to overwhelm me. I clench my hands and let out a snarl.

“You know damn well it hurts.” He chuckles and closes in on me. 

“Why does it hurt, Hm? Your thoughts proven true? Or is it something else?” 

He’s right in front of me and I can feel the blade digging into my side. I don’t move to protect myself, why bother? Dan always gets what he wants. He wants me dead and he wants Fen. How am I supposed to stop an underground warlord when I can barely protect my own family? 

The blade twists painfully into my side and I grasp his bloodied hand. I fall to my knees with a choked sob before reaching for him. The wolf is still as I grasp at his shoulders. “I love you Fen…I’m so damn sorry…but I do. To death.”

“I know, Garrett. I know.” My side erupts in flames and I’m burning.

~

I wake up to my own screams. Unsettling to say the least. I see silver hair for a split second before I topple off the bed and crack my head on the floor. Two times in one night, smooth Garrett. I groan and roll onto my back. I check my head to make sure I didn't bust my brains out. 

“Makers breath Hawke, Are you alright?” I’m blinded as the lights turn on and Fen trots around to the side of the bed wearing nothing but a pair of my boxers. Oh Maker. The ones with the little dragons on them too, how did he find those!? He kneels down next to me and cautiously runs a hand through my hair. 

His expression is off or maybe I’m just remembering how he looked in my dream. Eugh, no more fine wine before bed. Night terrors like that have no business in my brain.

I pull his hand down and gently kiss his palm. “Sorry. Very bad dream. Did I ruin the rest of our romantic assassination attempt?” He smiles slightly and helps me sit up. 

“Afraid so, you clocked out in the front room and you had every able body dragging you to the bedroom.” He hauls me to my feet and I drag us both into bed. He’s laughing as I tuck him beneath me. 

“I may not be made of glass but refrain from crushing me, Hawke.” 

I tuck my arms beneath him and bump my forehead against his. 

“Can I kiss you?” He blinks before reclining back against the pillows. I must be acting strange to him. I can’t act normal after just being killed mentally by the man I love. I fidget and rest my head on his chest. “I’m sorry.” His arms rest against my shoulders and he busies himself with my hair. 

“The detective told you something dark, didn’t he?” I gulp but nod regardless. I can’t lie about this; it’s one of those things that could tear us apart. It could also unleash Fen’s dormant memories. 

“Garrett…You know I would never let anything happen to you, yes?” I squeeze him tighter and he chuckles. “Good.”

Nightmares are one thing, but now I have a beautiful image of Fen running around in my dragon boxers. Maybe tonight I’ll sleep well. 

“I love how you wear my boxers when I’m not looking…”


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning is unnaturally dreary. Thunder rumbles the house and rain patters quietly against the window in my room. My room is freezing and I curl further into the blankets to keep in at least some of my body heat. I blink my eyes open and look around. The clock said it wasn’t even noon yet but the bed feels empty. I hoist myself up and lightly feel around the blankets. Nothing.

“Fen?” My groggy mind is having trouble putting two and two together. Fen is not in bed so, where is he? I drag myself out of bed and open the master bathroom door. He’s not in there either. I make my way into the living room to find everything cleaned up and the window haphazardly tapped up and sealed. 

“Where the hell is he?”

_Maybe he went out? He doesn’t always have to hang around with you of all people. Besides you smell like a wet bear, go shower you manbeast. ___

I move to the door and peek out to see that the usual obnoxiously large tow truck was gone and a pitiful little beat up Mazda had taken its place. 

“He didn’t wake me up…” No. Why would he. You just got shot and fainted and cracked your skull twice on the floor! Stop worrying. He was alone before you stumbled on him, leave him be. 

That doesn’t make me feel any better. I rub my face, feeling how overgrown my beard is getting and shuffle into the shower. I twitch as I take off my shirt to reveal dried blood patches all over my chest and a nasty bruise forming over my shoulder. Maker’s breath. I poke the stitches and wince as a sharp pain greets my nerves. I shake it off and turn on the shower to my neutral setting of blazing hot. 

I hop under the spray of water and quickly go about washing my mop of hair. I feel so out of it. Even with my shoulder screaming at me from the heat I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Then I chide myself because I’m acting like a jealous teenager. So what if Fen goes out every now and again? He’s a grown man. 

I grab my razor and go through the usual routine of trimming my beard; taming the beast as it were. For once I shave it all off leaving my chin naked and exposed, makes me itchy just thinking about it. I should go out and get a haircut too.

Oh wait, cars gone. 

Well that’s definitely a problem. Maybe he went to fetch the camero? I should call him. I need to call him. Make sure he’s alright. 

I lather up a washrag and scrub away all the dried blood from my chest hair. It took forever to be honest. By the end of it all my skin was raw and tinted pink. It feels as if I’d been in there for an hour but I doubt I stood still for that long. I grab a towel from the rack and quickly wrap it around my waist before strutting back to my bedroom. I unceremoniously drop the towel leaving myself bare as I dig about my dresser for some warm clothes. 

I settled on a black thermal and some jeans. I made sure to layer up before shoving on some raggedy old boots and making my way through the house to let Brakkar inside. He was super happy to see me as always. “Hey buddy, want to go scouting with me?” He bounces around happily wagging his stump of a tail before charging for the closet where his leash was hidden. Mabari’s were amazing hunting dogs and I had just the idea for a hunting trip. 

“Brakkar. Come here for a second boy. I need you to help me find Fen.” He lets out a soft whine with a tilt of his head before following me to the bedroom. 

“I know boy, I don’t know where he went. I’m worried he may be hurt. Please help me?” He barks and hops around as I grab a discarded shirt Fen had worn yesterday. it smells like his cologne and him. I kneel down and let Brakkar sniff it. 

“We know he left here, just keep your nose and eyes open okay?” He barks and wags his tail. I scratch him behind the ears and grab his leash from the closet as we make our way to leave. 

First place to check would be with Andy, make sure he isn’t hurt and in the hospital then I’ll hitch a ride to Fen’s mansion. I walk Brakkar outside and lock up the condo before pulling out my cell and calling Andy’s personal cell. 

What can I say? He’s a good doctor and the Hawkes are always getting into trouble. Don’t look at me like that, he’s just a great friend.

The phone rings twice before a very drowsy voice answers. “H-hello?” 

“Andy, sorry were you asleep?” I suddenly feel terrible. He’s a well known doctor who works awful hours, of course he was asleep! He laughs weakly on the other line. 

“Well actually I’ve been asleep for about thirty minutes or so, what’s on your mind? Do you need more prescription meds for your knees?”

Brakkar tugs me towards a phone pole and quickly relieves himself. “Ah, no, actually I was going to ask if you’ve seen Fen at the hospital, he’s well, Gone. He didn’t leave a note and I was shot yesterd-“

I hear a loud thump on the other end. “You were shot?! **Yesterday ******?!” I hear the jingle of keys and a slam of a door. “Stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.” Before I could express my gratitude he hangs up.

“Well, That was easy.” 


	27. Chapter 27

I sit down on a bus bench a few blocks away from my condo and texted the streets to Andy. I wonder if I should have told him that I was shot. I mean, he is a doctor, but I think it frightened him.

Duh, wouldn’t anyone be frightened if you woke them up and said oh hey by the way I’m shot. Not to mention you didn’t even tell him where in your body you were shot.

Ooooh. I hear the sounds of a hemi engine rip through the quiet street. By now the rain was a slow drizzle so noise bounced right off the low clouds and made everything way louder than it should be. I see Andy’s tricked out mustang peel around the corner before screeching to a halt beside me. On the opposing traffic side I might add, at an angle…completely blocking any oncoming traffic. 

He practically flies out of the car and runs to my side. “May the blight take you, how in Andraste did you get shot!?” He drags me to the car and basically throws me in the passenger side before plopping back into the driver seat. “You better talk Hawke or I’m taking you right to the hospital.” He’s angry, oh dear.

“Fen’s gone missing Andy. There is no time!” He scoffs. 

“The criminal? You two are still together?” I growl and grab his shoulder. 

“Damn it Andy, DRIVE!” He flinches back in his seat before slamming the car into gear with a curse. 

I shouldn’t be mean to Andy but he knows not to mess with a Hawke on a mission. Fen is somewhere, maybe he’s safe and perfectly fine or maybe my gut is right and he needs my help. Whatever the case I’m going to scold the hell out of him when I find him.

I give Andy the address to Fen’s mansion and he quickly hops onto the interstate to the outskirts of town. The car couldn’t go fast enough for me and I began to fidget far worse than ever before. 

“Garrett, Calm down. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack. Breathe slowly. We will get there soon, I promise.” 

I try to take that to heart but all I can see is that night when Fen called for my help and how I found him bloody and mangled. I swear if they hurt him again I’m going to kill. I hear my knuckles pop as my fists clench around Brakkar’s leash. Andy notices and lightly pats my leg. 

“Talk Garrett, it’ll make you feel better. Start with this morning, why do you have a feeling he’s in danger?”

I sigh and rub at my bare face. “Well I had a whole romantic dinner planned last night and things were uh…getting good and someone shot me with a sniper rifle that was targeting Fen.” I rub at my shoulder absently. “An agent showed up, he’s undercover in this dudes business and told me some of Fen’s backstory…I fainted.” Andy chuckled. 

“You make it sound like he was some mass murderer or something, Gare.” I look at him gravely and he blinks wildly. “Gare you can’t be serious!? This is not a good relationship!” I wave my hands. 

“No he doesn’t remember who he was. It was so tramatic he gave himself amnesia. He ran away from it, but…but it can be triggered.” He acted so weird last night…I thought it was me but…Oh Maker no. If he was triggered he must be going back…but there is no confirm of that yet. 

Andy looks pale. “You think…he reverted back? Gare, I don’t want you to get hurt. Definitely not by someone you love.” Andy knows what he’s talking about there. He had someone once too. Karl, I think. Karl went through some bad things and ended up committing suicide in Andy’s apartment while he was at work. He found him…Maker. He hasn’t been the same since. He works himself to death to make sure he doesn’t have time to think about it. It’s been years and I’m sure it feels like yesterday to him.

“If he has, I’m the only one who can bring him back.” I feel my eyes burn and I choke back a sob. “I love him Andy. Andraste burn, I do.” My body is wrecked with powerful sobs and Andy just drives. Curse everything. Curse Dan, Curse Fen and my forgiving heart!

It takes me a few minutes to pull myself back together. I wipe my face clean and see the familiar dirt road to Fen’s place. Now that the sadness is gone, the rage takes over. Brakkar whines as he sees the drive to the house and begins to bark. He smells Fen.

I can see the large tow truck parked haphazardly in the huge drive. I can hear the blood rushing in my ears as Andy pulls in and parks the car. 

“Garrett, call him first. See if he answers. If he does, go in after him. If not, there is a gun in the glove box, take it with you.” I blink at him in surprise and he glares at me. 

“Don’t give me that look. I need it. Now call him, quickly, this place gives me the creeps.” 

True the place looked much worse for ware now. Most of the windows hand been busted out and the front door was open to nothing but darkness. This is definitely some scary movie shit and my brain is so kind to let me remember each and every scary movie ever created in a millisecond. 

Thank you brain, you asshole. 

I fumble my cell out of my pocket and dial Fen’s number. It rings six times before it clicks as if someone answers it then hangs up. I snarl under my breath and grab the gun from the glove box. Standard glock 9mm. 

“Andy if you hear gunshots call the guy Zev on my phone, if I don’t come out in twenty minutes call him anyway.” He nods and Brakkar quickly follows me out of the car. I unleash him and kneel down. 

“Okay boy, track Fen. If you see anyone who isn’t Fen, you bark like mad and attack you hear me?” He snarls fiercely before snuffing his nose on the dirt, casually making his way towards the garage. I check the guns magazine to make sure it’s loaded before clicking the safety off. 

I walk up to the Tow truck and open the door. I flick on the high beams to at least illuminate the place a little bit. Still didn’t take off that scary as hell factor. Brakkar trots to my side and we make our way to the front door. The camero was still parked like a corpse in the garage but Fen wasn’t in there that leaves the skeleton of a mansion to explore.  
Brakkar takes point and walks through the doorway nose to the floor. 

“Fen, Are you here!?” Silence screams back at me. Brakkar lets out a low growl as he heads up the stairs. I hold onto his collar and he quickly guides me up the stairs. That’s when I was hit by it. A smell, horrid…like rotting meat. I cough and cover my nose. Brakkar drags me down the decrepit hallway before coming to a sudden stop. I can feel his body shaking with a growl. 

“What is it boy?”

We are outside of Fen’s old room and the smell is stronger. Oh Maker, please…

Brakkar lets out a furious bark and wrenches himself from my grip and charges into the dark. I hear someone scream before a fight erupts. 

“Brakkar!” I make my way in and find a light switch. Blinding light illuminates the large room to chaos. Brakkar has pinned someone to the floor and there is blood everywhere! One the walls, the bed, the windows!

I run over to Brakkar and pull him off to see a very bloody man beneath him. 

“Who the hell are you?!” He tries to scramble away but I bash him hard on his back. He yelps in pain before throwing up his hands in defense. 

“Please, Don’t! H-He brought me here! I-I jumped him an-and he caught me!” I snarl and wrench him up by his tattered shirt.

“Who?!” 

I can see the blood dripping from his body. His abdomen has been shredded…oh gods. The man whimpers. 

“T-The wolf…He’s still here you have to go get help! Dan needs to know!” I slam him into the wall and I can hear his bones breaking. 

“I am not one of his flunkies you piece of shit. If you live you’ll tell him yourself, that I’m coming for him.” 

His eyes dart past me and a shrill scream escapes him. I turn to see Fen standing in the doorway a blade in hand. I have never been this scared in my whole life. His silver hair is stained red and he’s covered in blood. 

“Fen…Oh Maker no, you didn’t.” His eyes are animalistic, just like the dream, the blade in his hand…almost exact. I put the man behind me and hold up my hands. “Fen. Put it down.”

He chuckles and it makes me want to throw up. 

“Move.” The word is uttered like a threat but I stand firm. 

“This is not you Fen, You are having a fucked up dream…wake up!” He steps towards me and I step back. 

“Please don’t do this Fen, please this isn’t you.” He bares his teeth and grabs his head.

“S-shut up. You know nothing!” Just keep talking to him Garrett. Keep calm, he’ll come back. 

“Fen, remember the first time we meet?” He snarls and slashes wildly before staggering. 

“Shut up…I-I can’t…” Brakkar stands ready at my side, unsure of what to do. I step towards Fen and he stumbles back.

“P-please…I I-don’t want to remember…D-Don’t make me…The-the cages…the blood…pain…” He’s stuck between himself. He’s fighting against two Fen’s; two separate mental states. 

“Fen, I won’t let you remember, I’m going to lock it all up and keep you safe. No one will ever hurt you, will never do anything to you every again. But…” I step closer and he falls back, frightened, the blade thrust out before him. 

“You need to stop…Let it go. Remember the Camero; that rust bucket you picked me up in?” He blinks, the blade wavering slightly. “The tea mother gave us to kick things off? The promise you made me and that I made to you?” 

The blade falls from his hand and he looks at his bloodied palms. 

“O-Oh Gods…G-Garrett….I-I…” I roughly pull him into an embrace as he grasps desperately at my back, screaming at what he’s done. My heart shatters and I sob against him as he wails in pain and sorrow. That sound…I never want to hear it come from him again. I tear the bloody shirt from him and toss it to the side and try frantically to get that blood off of him.

“Fen, oh gods there so much of it…are you hurt? We have to leave, have to go home!” The panic in my voice matches the frantic beat of my heart. Has it been twenty minutes?   
I raise the gun to the nearest busted window and fire two shots. I hear Andy’s shout and I know he didn’t even try to call Zev, he just ran to the house. He reaches us and quickly grabs the gun from me. 

“Oh by Andraste…Get him out of here, Garrett, NOW!” I lift Fen into my arms and run down the stairs and basically kick the door off its hinges to get out into the rain.   
Fen is still screaming and I quickly remove my shirt to wipe away all the blood from him. He’s so scared, so frightened…I sob and fall to my knees. How could I let this happen to my Fen. 

He hugs me to him and I can hear the sobs escaping his throat. 

“G-Garrett that wasn’t me…it wasn’t!” I shush him and kiss his chest. 

“I know. I always knew…You were attacked, you reacted…I understand.” He’s shaking so badly when Andy finally comes out of the house. 

“That man escaped. He probably won’t make it far. Come on, you both need to…talk.”

I let Fen climb into the back seat of the mustang before following in after him. Brakkar got the front seat with Andy. Fen lets me hold him the whole way back. I can’t even imagine what he feels like, how confused and broken his feelings are. I brush back his hair and just sit there comforting him. Before the question slipped through my lips. 

“What were you doing?” His eyes, reddened with the tears he’s shed, flicked up at me. 

“I was…going to surprise you.” He lays his head against my shoulder and I cautiously kiss his ear. 

“Next time…tell me. I always want to be by your side…Fen I…” He touches my chin and smiles weakly.

“I like this…” I laugh and the tears start up again. 

“I love you…Maker, I love you.”


	28. Chapter 28

Andy drives us to the clinic and parks the car in the back in a poorly lit area. Can’t be dragging a bloodied man through the front lobby of a minor emergency car center. It would make all the grannies who need flu shots go into cardiac arrest! Plus Fen and I are lacking shirts. Andy gets out and helps Fen crawl out of the driver side as I fumble out the passenger side door. 

Fen is unnaturally quiet, last time I brought him here he fought me tooth and nail about a check up on his busted leg now he just rubs his hands absently against his soiled jeans. The blood is by now dried into his skin and I can tell he’s desperately trying not to look at it. I shut the door and Andy locks up his car with a simple click before leading us to the back entrance to his clinic.

I gently bump Fen’s hand as we walk and he grasps my hand and weaves are fingers together. He looks up at me and clears his throat nervously. 

“Thank you, Garrett.” 

His voice is so brittle and I can feel the shakes in his hand. Something forever changed in him and he is terrified of it. Hell, I would be too if I just tried to gut someone who, granted, did attack me first. The very fact that you can change into such a thing must be horrifying to think of.

Or to show it to the person you are with. 

Andy lets us in and immediately walks us into his personal office. He directs Fen to sit down on the inspection table before rummaging about the drawers of his desk. I pull Fen’s hands up and inspect each of his bloodied palms for injuries. He had a few deep cuts on his back, where I’m guessing his attacker tried to attack him with a broken bottle of some kind but other than that he looked alright. Thank the Maker. 

“Here, Garrett, Wet this towel and clean him off. I’ll find some donor shirts for you both.” He leaves us and I quickly go about cleaning the blood from him. His face is blank as he watches me. Even his eyes are a million miles away. 

“Fen, Hey…” He sways slightly on the table before his head falls forward. I catch his shoulder before he can fall off the table and gently lay him down. I rub my knuckles against his sternum to try and get him to wake up. He fainted, no surprise there. Andy comes back and chuckles. 

“Out like a light is he? I’m surprised he didn’t faint sooner. Sever cognitive stress like that, can do things to you.” He’s carrying a few extra clothes but also one nasty looking needle. 

“Uh, what’s the needle for?” He blinks and shrugs. 

“I figured I would do some blood work on him to make sure he didn’t catch anything while swimming in that man’s intestines, also, just in case something happens and you need it…I’m putting his blood on file.” He hands me a huge t-shirt and I tug it on before slipping one over Fen. He’s mumbling in his sleep but he seems to be okay for now. 

Andy snaps on some latex gloves and goes about taking a hefty blood sample from Fen’s arm. I sit down on the edge of the examining table and watch as he puts the blood into a machine. I don’t like the sight of blood, definitely not when its fresh and still warm. 

“Gare.” I blink and find Andy standing with a new needle. “You too, better safe than sorry.” I nod and hand him my arm. A little pinch and he’s stealing my blood. 

“You doing alright, Gare, you’re awfully quiet.” I chuckle and it sounds pitiful even to me. 

“I just saw the worst side of Fen. How am I supposed to feel, Andy?” I clear my throat. “You…you didn’t see him when he was the wolf. Maker he wanted to kill that man, torture him and maybe even turn on me. That look…” It gives me the chills. I have never seen a look so murderous and so wild. I could almost see the calculations going through his mind of where that knife should go.

“That…That was a monster.” Andy gently places a cotton ball on my arm to soak up the blood as he pulls the needle free. Andy is great to talk to about stressful things, he listens and doesn’t try to correct you or make it somehow your fault. Even though he’s been through more shit than I, he just smiles and listens. 

“We all have our demons, Gare. We must learn to control them or they will soon overpower us. I do not trust this man, but I know he means a lot to you. I’ll look into a few things for you; maybe help you from triggering another episode.” He sticks a Band-Aid over the cotton ball and pats my knee.

“Enough of that though, lets get you guys home.”

No arguing there. I carefully pick Fen up and carry him out of the clinic with Andy, hopping back into the mustang and heading for home. I’m sure Zev is worried that I’m not at the house. I’d have to get a cab to go pick up Fen’s truck later on but I’m not worried about it at the moment. 

Brakkar licks Fen’s hand from the front seat and I see his fingers twitch slightly at the contact. He groans in his sleep and rolls into my chest tucking his slobber coated hand into my shirt. I ease back his hair softly. His eyes are slightly open. 

“Go back to sleep love, we will be home soon.” His eyes fix on me for a second. 

“Home.” I see a smile ghost his lips before he lays his head back down on my arm. 

Out like a light.


	29. Chapter 29

Andy drives us back to my apartment, where the large SUV convoy was still parked along the street. I could see some of the agents in the blacked out vehicles but they only seemed to be doing surveillance. Fen woke up a few blocks away from the clinic and is now sitting oddly silent in the seat beside me. I don’t want to pressure him, he’s processing. I can only imagine his brain as a loading bar that halted half way to completion. 

Andy parks his car in the drive and heaves a sigh. 

“Well everyone, that was one hell of a night. Sadly I need to get back home.” He gravelly looks at his watch. “I have to work in three hours.” I reach up and squeeze his shoulder. 

“Andy I’ll take you out for some fine dining for this. You just give me a call, okay? I owe you so much.” He pats my hand. “Now now don’t get all sad on me Gare-bear. I’m glad I could help. Listen I-“ 

The passenger door opens and Brakkar and Fen pile out and without saying a word, they both walk inside the condo. Andy sucks in a breath through his teeth. 

“Oh dear. I don’t think he likes me.” I watch Fen as he solemnly closes the door to the condo. 

“Listen Gare, If he gets weird again, I want you to call me and the cops.”

“Andy…”

He cuts me off with a sharp gesture of his hand. 

“No, I will not negotiate this. I’ve seen broken Garrett and I will not let you put yourself through hell for this man.” Protective Andy is almost as bad as the protective Hawke but he will get gritty if you don’t follow his advice. He might come after me with a needle or something. Make me donate plasma as punishment. 

“Alright, Fine.” He flashes a smile before shoving at my shoulder. 

“Now out with you, go coddle your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. Is that what we are now? A couple? I feel as if I haven’t earned that title yet. Fen is suffering in the worst of ways. Stuck between two realities and its my fault that he was triggered. How can I claim such a thing when he hurts so? I crawl out of his car and shut the door behind me. I wave goodbye and he quickly drives away. 

I am so tired. Emotionally and physically. I grab my mail before pushing open the front door. 

Fen is laying down on the couch, on his stomach with his head in his arms. His little feet are hanging bare off the edge of the sofa. I give a soft chuckle before placing the mail on the table and making my way to the couch. 

I don’t say anything; I just crawl on top of him and curl my arms around him. I can feel his heart thumping in his chest. Don’t fret Fen. Don’t blame yourself. I nuzzle his ear and he shivers against me. This is totally the wrong time for this, but I feel that he needs it and so do I. It’s primal like you can sense it between yourself and your lover. They say you give off pheromones that tell your partner when you are aroused or in the mood…I think that’s what my body is doing.

“Why do you touch me after what I've done?” His voice is soft and thin. Strained.

I sigh and kiss the nape of his neck, where the white fades into black and arrow shaped lines pepper his spine. He shifts back against me, not sure if he was haphazardly trying to push me off or spurring me on. I kiss down his back, as much as I can reach, before going back to the nape of his neck. 

“Fen. Face me.” He turns his head from his arms and looks at me. His brows knit together. He’s scared. I rub my thumb across the ink on his chin. 

“I love you…will you allow me to show you?” He doesn’t respond at first so I sit back away from him. 

“I’m going to go shower…If you change your mind I’ll be here, okay?” I crawl off the couch and lightly press a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll always be here for you Fen. I promise you that.”


	30. Chapter 30

Fen is still laying down when I head off to my bathroom to bathe. I reek of dried blood and hospitals, now just add some moth eaten old t-shirt probably off of some old lady and we have an old persons home. 

I tug off the withered shirt and unceremoniously toss it in the trash.

I don’t know what I want more, a bath or a shower. I may just sit in the tub for a few hours and just sleep or something. With my size I don’t have to worry about slipping under the water. I shrug and turn on the water, letting it warm up to a steam before plugging the drain. 

Bath it is!

I peel off my soaked jeans and toss them in the hamper before quickly crawling into the tiny tub. I have to tuck my legs in a little in order to actually fit. I roll my shoulders and gently lay back against the porcelain. It’s a relaxing chill against my spine. 

I don’t know what it is about taking a bath, but you get real philosophical about everything. I cant get that image of Fen out of my head. The cold gleam in his eyes. The pure murderous intentions he had locked up in that head of his. He’s like a gun with a hair trigger.

No, no, I don’t want to think that way about him. Fen is Fen, I just have to be careful around him. 

There’s a soft tap at the door. I sit up and cover myself beneath the water. 

“Come on in. I’m…naked.” 

Fen slips through the door and quietly closes it behind him. He doesn’t turn around, just starts tugging off his clothes. Well okay. Little by little those beautiful white lines are exposed. Down the backs of his powerful legs, up his arms and across his back. 

“You are beautiful.”

He turns his head slightly and I can see that cute little smile. 

“Even more so when you smile.” I chuckle and sit up further, making some room. “So, are you just going to stand their naked or are you going to join me?”

He walks over to me lacing his hands on the side of the tub and leaning down. He kisses me before looking down to the water. 

“Is there any room?” I pat my chest and he smirks. “You want me to lay down on you? You do realize I have a boney ass right?” I reach for him and help him into the tub. He’s honestly not that heavy but he does have a boney butt. He lays his head back against my shoulder and lets out a soft sigh. He’s cold against me. I put my arms around him and hold him close under the water.

I can see him under the hazy warm water and I know he can feel me. I don’t want to scare him or to make him feel as if he owes me anything. I just want to love him and give him something to enjoy without fear. 

My hand slides over his thigh and I can see the muscle twitch at the contact before moving, invitation. I watch his reaction as my hand moves closer and thankfully he just closes his eyes. I rub the sensitive skin of his groin and he groans. 

“I don’t want you to be afraid Fen…Not of this. Not of the contact. Not of yourself.” He turns his face towards me and I quickly capture his lips in a kiss. He deepens the kiss and grabs my wrist as I encase his cock with my hand. He’s starting to get hard and he rolls his hips against me.

I stroke him and he guides me on what to do. I growl into the kiss as he uses his other hand to reach beneath himself to get to me. He breaks off the kiss and turns his body, moving to straddle my hips. Curse this tiny tub. Fen knows what he’s doing at least and he’s patient enough to show me what to do. 

“I-I’m new to this…” He nods and holds out his hand. 

“Don’t be afraid of something natural, we’ll take it slow.” He takes me into his hand and expertly starts to stroke me. I groan and lean back against the tub. 

“Fen…hng. You are t-too good at that.” I think I’m supposed to be telling Fen something, about…oh.

I grab Fen’s shoulder and softly pull him up. 

“Ah…Fen hang on. I-I need to tell you something.” I clear my throat and motion down to my half hard self. “Uh…the size is going to be a p-problem. I don’t want to hurt you.” He looks down and bites his lip. 

“Hm. You are definitely larger than the average joe, I’m sure it’ll be fine with a little preparation.” I look down.

“O-or you could…take me.” 

I don’t think I’ve seen a shocked Fen yet and now I have.


	31. Chapter 31

Fen sits back in the water an almost comical stunned expression on his face. It is almost as if he’s processing in full what I said to make sure I said it. Of course the over analyzing makes me overly nervous in general. I’ve never…had a male lover. Ever. I really didn’t have many female lovers either my size is a deterrent to many. It never really bothered me much.

But with Fen…I want it. I clear my throat and he blinks quickly, as if bringing himself back to reality. He moves forward and rests his hands on my thighs. I let my hands trail down his chest before letting them rest on his hips. 

“Are you…positive? This is what you want?” His voice is strained and rough. In Fen’s case…I don’t blame him. He’s been hurt far deeper than anyone ever would imagine. He was molded into this…killer by a man he trusted too much. 

“I have never wanted something so bad Fen. But if it is too soon…I will wait for eternity.” He sags and closes his eyes. Its like the tension just seeped out of him. I pull him closer and give him a soft kiss. 

“Don’t feel pressured into this Fen…I’m sorry I made that impression. I don’t want –“ He tackles me, which is hard to do in such a small tub, but he is very good at what he does. He ravishes me with kisses and I return them gladly. 

He pulls away with a small smirk on his lips. “I have many plans for tonight…for now lets get cleaned up…you stink of a clinic.” I bark out a laugh and reach for the soap. 

“You are one to talk, you made the water turn pink you filthy bugger.” He puts his hand out and I quickly dump some soap in his palm. I thought he was going to use it for himself, nope. He rubs his hands together and presses them softly to my chest. Yet when I go to return the favor he bats my hand away. 

“Let me…for once. You’ve done so much already.”

“I do it because I want you to feel safe.” He nods and runs his hand over my chest, over my heart. 

“Big man, even bigger heart.” I let him do as he pleased. The way he did it reminded me of how those hands could fix anything. How they could delve into the heart of a dead car and revive it. Fen said he was going to surprise me with something before he was jumped by that thug. Now that the blood is washed from his hands I can see the evidence of his work.

He was working on the Camero and I bet you he got it running. 

Which…makes me want to cry. Dads camero…running again. Just like it did before he died. 

“Hawke you are thousands of miles away. What has you troubled?” I chuckle and grab his hands pulling them to my lips. I probably should have noticed they were still covered in soap. Mm yup, soap tastes awful. 

“Tell me something Fen, were you out late working on the car?” He smirks and moves his hands to my shoulders.

“Hm. It is possible. I suppose you’ll have to coax the truth out of me somehow.” He moves his lips to my ear and purrs. That totally isn’t hot, nope, totally didn’t just get a boner from that. 

“What…did you have in mind?” He nips at my ear and I groan. I know what he has in mind, trouble is, in the tub or elsewhere?

I’ll take elsewhere.

I snatch him up and hop out of the tub. I grab a towel off the rack and dry him off first before quickly toweling myself off. Fen busies himself with looking seductive, which would have been laughable if my brain wasn’t shut off. I only had one thing on my mind. 

Fen.

He grabs my hand and quickly takes me to the bed. Once he reaches the bed he sits down on the edge and puts his hands on my hips. He looks up at me and I give a slight nod. He’s sucked me off a few times before but I’m always afraid he’ll hurt himself. I cant get to aroused either or my size will become a problem again. I think as long as I’m a tad bit flaccid it will work. It’s going to be dodgy though.

He can always have me though, even if that thought it a little scary to me, I’d give him everything. 

He works slowly around my cock, hands massaging my balls in a rhythm with his lips. I groan and urge him on, placing my hands on his shoulders. I can feel the ink on his skin beneath my fingers. I trace the lines up his neck and carefully up the center of his throat. He flinches back and I apologize.

“You like the tattoos, it is alright. I just wasn’t expecting that.”

Note to self, don’t go for the neck markings. I lean over him and kiss his chin before moving to his lips. I gently push him back into the mattress before diverting my attention lower. I map out his markings with my tongue. Down his neck, chest and stopping just above his cock. 

I still cant get over the fact that he is marked down there as well. Dan is a sick bastard. I lick up the thick white band on the underside of his shaft before taking him into my mouth. He growls and begins to shallowly pump his hips. I don’t think I’m good at giving head but Fen swears by it that I am astounding. I think it’s just because I have a big mouth.

He tugs at my shoulder and I pull back. He was close. I let instinct take over and I nudge his legs apart. I lick my fingers and seek out my target. He groans as I breach his walls and ease my finger inside him. I work the digit in and out slowly, painfully slow as to not hurt him. 

“I…I’m not hurting you am I?” He moves his legs to give me more room and smiles. 

“Maker no…Don’t stop.” I moan and move my other hand to my cock. I’m still mostly flaccid which is good and it needs to stay that way. I work another finger inside him and he takes a sharp intake of breath. 

“Sorry, sorry…c-can you reach up to the endtable and grab the little bottle in there?” He blinks at me and I can see the smile spreading on his lips. I flush.

“D-don’t judge, I’ve been single a long time.”

He reaches into the drawer and pulls out a tiny bottle of lube and hands it to me. I clear my throat and squeeze the base of my cock. 

“Fen are you sure about this? Completely positive?” He chuckles and lays back on the bed. 

“Garrett, stop thinking.” I fumble with the cap on the bottle and quickly slick myself up. He reaches for me and I line myself up. It doesn’t matter how prepared he is, it is going to be a stretch. Even half flaccid I’m bigger than the average man. I slowly push forward and into him. He sucks in air through his teeth and squeezes my shoulders roughly. 

“A-Ah…ow.” I stop and kiss his cheek. 

“sorry, sorry!” He shakes his head and laughs. 

“Well Garrett you will forever ruin me for anyone else, I guess we are stuck together.” He wraps his legs around my waist and urges me forward. I groan as I am sheathed inside of him. He is very very tight and I can feel my legs shaking. 

“F-fen I need to move…” he rolls his hips and purrs. 

“Go on Garrett. Its alright. You won’t hurt me.”

I have never felt so…whole before. Being inside of Fen feeling him accept me and hearing the pleasure in his voice. Its almost too much. Time begins to disappear and I settle into a slow steady rhythm. I can feel myself getting harder inside of him but he is too far gone to notice. 

We are at ease and Fen is getting closer to the edge of climax. He wraps his arms tightly around my neck and moans against my throat. 

“G-Garrett…I’m close…” He places sloppy kisses to my neck and uses his legs to bury me deeper inside of him. I’m not going to last, I can feel myself leaking. 

“F-Fen…I-I can’t…” He bites my neck roughly and I’m gone. I snap my hips forward and I come. Inside him. Is that bad to do on the first time? Oops. I fall forward onto him and he gives a grunt. I can feel the warm sticky remains of his release on my stomach. 

My brain is screaming at me that I am a big loaf and that I’m crushing Fen but my body is shutting down. 

“Hawke you okay?” My speech is slurred, have I told him I usually pass out after these activities? Probably not. 

Oops again.


	32. Chapter 32

I am in total bliss. Complete peace. I can’t remember ever sleeping as well as I have tonight. Guess I need to work on that. I nuzzle deeper into my blankets, smelling a mixture of Fen’s cologne and top end fabric softener. Love it, Can’t get enough of it.

I stretch out against the mattress and roll onto my back. 

“Good morning.”

Fen is leaning against the bedroom window with a cup in his hand. He looks…great. Relaxed and sipping his drink as he looks out the window. He’s wearing that tight under armor shirt again and man, it really compliments his amazing body.

I sit up in the bed and brush back my bed ridden hair. My muscles are a bit sore but I feel completely refreshed. 

“Morning, you are up early.” He smiles and walks over to the edge of the bed, leaning down and gently kissing me on the lips. I can taste coffee on those lips. I hum in my throat as he pulls away. 

“Want some coffee?” He takes another sip of his coffee and smiles. “I made enough for a military platoon. I plan on getting some work done today.” That worries me a little but I don’t say anything on it. Its only been a day since his attack and mere hours since…well…

“Fen how is your…uhm…” 

He chuckles and sits down beside me on the bed. I don’t think I’ve seen Fen so…content. The way he moves, how his smile peeks out more and more recently. He rubs my arm. 

“I was a bit sore this morning, but I’ve had worse muscle pains from hauling engines.” He smirks. “As I have said before, I am not made of glass. Even if you weigh as much as a big rig.” I scratch the forming stubble on my chin. I did fall asleep on top of him last night. He must’ve kicked me off at some point. I bet I ruined the afterglow.

“I’m sorry…I forgot to mention the passing out part huh?” He shrugs and sips his drink. 

“A minor detail overlooked. I got my revenge while you were asleep.” Wait, What? He reaches up and places his hand on my neck. “You’ll notice it when you shower.” He looks down before biting his lip to hide a smile. 

“And…I wanted to thank you. For, well, Everything.” He cradles the cup in his hands. Fen is a deep thinker, you can tell that by looking at how he handles himself. Everything is well calculated and when it isn’t, it is usually because he was taken off guard. 

“Its just…You know some of my darkest traits and you take them in stride and nurture me. What happened yesterday…If it would have been anyone else, they would have run for the hills. But you didn’t.” He clears his throat and rolls his shoulders. 

“Though, I admit, your friend Anders…annoys me.” That makes me laugh. 

“Is this because he took your blood while you were passed out?” He jumps and looks flabbergasted. 

“He took my blood?” He gives a dramatic sigh and looks at his arm. “I should have known he would try something like that. I hate doctors, Hawke.” I chuckle and show him my own needle mark. 

“Don’t feel bad, he took at least half of my supply as well.” I place a chaste kiss to his cheek before throwing off the blankets and making my way to the bathroom. I’m still completely naked and Fen is watching.

“Careful, if you look at my pasty butt for too long you’ll go blind.” He barks out a laugh and stands from the bed. 

“I’ll meet you when you are finished. I need to contact a few suppliers for parts.” I nod and close the bathroom door. It becomes apparent what Fen’s revenge was. I could see dozens of distinct purple marks throughout my neck and shoulders and some over the scars of my chest. The bugger became the hickey monster while I was asleep! 

I’m going to have to get him back for that. With bear hugs and kisses. I hop in the shower and quickly get myself clean. Fen wants to go back to work on the camero. He is probably restless to get it done. With Dan getting bolder by the day I need to stay on guard. I won’t let Fen go through that again.

I shut off the water and wrap a towel around my waist before making my way to get dressed. Its cloudy outside but it looks like it’ll clear up later in the day.

~

News has been crazy lately. A new powerful drug has hit the streets and local bad guys are calling it Blood Haze. Apparently it is worse than every drug currently in circulation around the globe and ten times as addictive. 

Zev says it makes the addict feel as if he is invincible and it has led to many deaths for dealers to random witnesses. This drug is very bad news and it is spreading like the bloody plague. Fen seems indifferent to the local troubles. He’s only worried about the Camero. Honestly he spends more time getting greasy and dirty than he spends sleeping. Usually I have to drag him home and make him sleep. 

Fen hasn’t had an episode since that night. He seems…happier now that he is busying himself again. I keep myself busy with studying basic mechanics and doing artwork for simple companies. Surprisingly, Fen wants to hire me on as his personal helper when he gets his business to par. I really love that idea. 

Today is a lazy day. It’s a good seventy degrees out and Fen is hard at work doing what he does best. I tidy up my apartment before opening up some windows and settling down with my trusty sketchbook and my favorite pencil.

It is a good day to be a Hawke.

Of course that is what I thought until my phone rang.


	33. Chapter 33

Andy picks me up in his supped up mustang and we make our way downtown to the pub. The hanged man has been around for ages and is still owned by the same guy. A short little man by the name of Varric Tethras. He’s known for his bestselling novels mostly but don’t let it be said he doesn’t know how to handle a few drunkards.

I remember coming here when I was younger and seeing Varric polishing his lucky crossbow. Its just for show mainly, but he uses it to scare away people causing trouble. It’s a nice place to get a drink and just hang out and talk. 

“How is Fen doing Big G?” Andy pats my leg. I must have been zoning out. I smile and sit up in the seat. 

“Better. He tries to keep himself busy with the car but I think he’s almost done with it. I told him I’d buy him a scrapper for his birthday. Just to give him something to do, yeah?” Andy chuckles and drums his fingers on the steering wheel as we drive. 

“Has he opened up quite a bit? He seemed pretty relaxed when he came in for a check-up not too long ago. Even let me stick him without the usual death grip on my wrist.” Andy doesn’t know but Fen is horrified of needles. I think it’s cute. The one thing he is scared of is a pointy hollow tube that does nothing but gather fluid. 

I mean I cant talk, I don’t like blood, but I’m not like going to rip someones arm off just because I see blood on it.

“I’m glad he’s finally calmed down after his…well y’know. It was really hard to see him like that. Makes me want to kill whoever made him that way.” Andy’s pager goes off and he tosses it unceremoniously into the backseat. 

“How is the pursuit on the evil lawyer? Isn’t your little spy friend incognito?” I nod. 

“Last I heard, he had infiltrated their inner circle. They think he is one of them now. I just hope Zev stays on our side through this. Dan is the worst of the worst, he’ll do anything to get what he wants.”

Andy sighs. “Blood money does wonders right? So what are you going to do, bring him to legal justice? No offence G but I don’t think that is going to happen. He is the law!”

I’m sure if Fen was here he would say he deserves a cowards death. I’m sure when it comes down to it, it’ll be a fight to the death. I won’t stand down and I highly doubt Dan will either. Now this Varania character steps in. Who is she? An acquaintance of Zev’s? 

“Hang on Andy, Let me call Fen and tell him where we will be. He may come by after work.” He gives a shrug of his shoulders and I dial Fen’s cell. It rings a few times before music blares into the speaker before it is quickly turned down. 

“Hawke, Sorry I was uh…my song was on.” His song being Danger Zone from that movie Top Gun. He told me once he wanted to be a pilot. That he would imagine himself piloting a F-35 and just flying at mach speed into the open sky. That dream was trashed when he received a hefty head injury thanks to Dan’s fighting ring that messed up the sight in his right eye just enough to disqualify him.

“Living the dream love. Don’t lose hold of it in the clouds.” He chuckles softly and his voice rumbles. That low tone he uses always goes straight to my trousers and he knows it. 

“I’ll hold firm until you join me in the clouds Hawke. Now, What can I do for you?” I tell him about the pub and he readily agrees to come by after he finished up at the garage. I was about to hang up when he stops me. 

“Oh, and Garrett?”

“Yeah?” 

“Ego magnopere curent pro vobis.”

That…he does that to me. Maker. I think my pants just shrank a few sizes.


	34. Chapter 34

The hanged man looks a bit worse for ware nowadays. The dark scarlet brick of its walls has begun to erode and decay but the interior looks as if it is a high class bar. The floor and the bar itself is made of mahogany and decorated with an assortment of weapons and hunting trophies. Of course, true to its name, there is a large manikin hanging from the rafters. 

A burly man waves at us behind the bar. He wore a fully opened polo dress shirt revealing the magnificent mane of chest hair the man bore. Maker, he’s hairy than me.   
And that says something.

Anders walks to the bar and beckons me to follow. The bear of a man claps both his hands on the bar and throws two beers our way. 

“Blondie it’s good to see you again, and who’s your friend?” While they converse about random things I get distracted by a large antique crossbow located above the bar. The weapon was well cared for and showed a bit of age and use. Huh, I usually expect a double barrel shotgun more than a antique crossbow, course there aren’t many dwarf bartenders either.

“So Hawke is it? I’ve heard of you.” I blink and redirect my attention to Anders and the dwarf, who was now cleaning a glass to occupy his hands.

“You’ve heard of me?” he nods with a quick little smirk. 

“Not everyone here is a upstanding citizen, Hawke, You’ve angered quite a few scavengers around here.” Scavengers; Dan’s goons. 

“Are they here now?” His smirk twitches in one direction followed by a head tilt. “A few near the back are doing business. Best to stay low for now. Can I get you a stronger drink my heroic friend?” I wave a hand and reach for the already offered beer. “Nah I need to be somewhat coherent for when my date shows up.”

“Date huh?” A strong hand squeezes my shoulder and it takes only a glance to see the intricate ink etched into dark skin. 

Varric lets out a hearty laugh and reaches across the bar. “Well damn my beard, Skinny britches is that you? By the Maker it’s been awhile.” 

Apparently Fen and Varric had some business back when he first moved to Kirkwall. Varric sells property as a side job to his bartending at the Hanged Man. Well property management at the ‘mansion’ was still in Dan’s name until Varric got his hands on the deed of the estate.

A few shifty dealings and boom Fen owns the household. 

“I’ll hold you to that name, you hairy dwarf.” Fen pulls up a chair and sits down beside me. He cleaned up before coming to meet us. I can smell his body wash and the dark hair at the nape of his neck is still damp from his shower.

“It has been a while since I’ve been to a bar.” Fen pops the cap off his beer and sips it. “So what is the occasion?”

I shrug and drink my own beer. “Sometimes we all just need a break. Some more than others. With the storm brewing between Dan and myself, I need to focus.” I don’t really want to think about what will happen once Zev completes his undercover job. 

Fen’s hand rests on my knee and squeezes gently. He’s not one for out front affection but he knows when I’m upset about things. Andy is currently trying to ignore what Fen is doing. It’s as if they have this deep rooted aversion to each other. I honestly do not know what caused it unless it has to do with the recent risks I’ve been taking. I’m sure getting shot would piss off any healer.

Oh well maybe if I get Andy drunk enough he’ll lighten up.

Surely!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a modern AU by yours truly, there may be a few typos but I will be sure to correct them, this is my first ever AU so thank you for reading!


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